Thoughts Inside of My.... Mind?

Yesterday

Well, last night I guess.

I was at my moms like I am every Wednesday and we were gonna do my birthday dinner since they hadn't seen me since.

And it went like these things always do, so I don't know why I let this one get to me.

But anyways, my step dad made dinner and my mom fell asleep. So, I took my tacos and went up to my room to watch YouTube and eat by myself. But no one else ate or participated.

Maybe I could've tried harder. Maybe if I tried to spend more time with them, they might want to spend more time with me. Maybe if I was a better kid or something the people in that household might care enough to participate in stuff.

But that's what it's always like. We live in the same house, but we aren't a family... not really anyways. Whenever I'm there I'm either out doing things with friends, or in my room. Sure we talk every now and then, but no one goes out of their way for it. No one goes out of their way to try and be a better person. No one tries to make it a better place. No one tries to make the situation better. No one tries...

Maybe it's my fault. Maybe I deserve this.

It normally doesn't bother me cuz this is how it's been all my life. And normally I don't think twice when these things happen, or if they don't come out to a play... or marching show... or anything I do really. But I did. And man... I wish it wasn't this way, but it is.

I also wish my friends would just ask me what's wrong instead of seeing I was in a mood and blaming themselves, or just ignoring it and then getting mad at me. No one really asks if I'm good or not... but that's okay I guess. It's what I get for never answering when they do... but it's nice to know someone cares, you feel?

10:06 am 12/15/16