Thoughts Inside of My.... Mind?

Family Rejection :/

Yeah yeah yeah, I'm going to bed soon. No worries.

So, we had a family reunion today. And with that knowledge, and the knowledge of what this is titled, you can probably guess what this is going to be about.

Generally I am a very social person, and I can carry on conversations pretty well. But at this get together, I hardly talked to anyone- or rather, they hardly talked to me. Whatever, I stuck by my sisters side until she left to visit with a friend who was injured recently, and even then I stayed to myself pretty much.

I guess I kinda felt overwhelmed? Like. I was very overwhelmed by the feeling of awkwardness, not mine. The feeling of awkwardness, uncomfortableness, and rejection. My family kinda fears change I guess.

But I could deal with that.

So I went and sat by my grandma and an aunt who were talking, and walked right into her bashing me. Kinda.

Like, I sat down next to her and she said hi to me and stuff, so she knew I was there, and then looked at the aunt and said "now this ones got a whole different personality, and they're gonna make a whole different set of mistakes"

W. T. F.

Like, who says that about their GRANDCHILD when they are sitting RIGHT THERE. And that's not the worst bit, she had been comparing me to my sister.

So fuck, that really hurt, and I get up abruptly and leave. I go to the front of the house and sit on the front steps, waiting for my sister to get back. And holy shit, I almost started crying.

I am literally the only grandchild of us three main ones who makes any effort to go see my grandma and visit with her. I am the only one who tries. And she just keeps pushing me away. Like, she lives on a lake, and she told me that I can't wear what I'm comfortable in if I swim there- so even though she keeps inviting me over, I keep telling her no and giving her some bs excuse.

I don't understand. I do so much more than the others, but because of one thing about me, she is ruining our relationship. Is it fucking worth it? Idk if she realizes how much she hurts me or not... The person who practically raised me. She just bashes me all the time.

So yeah.

That's how my day was.

12:45 am. 7/31/2016