Thoughts Inside of My.... Mind?

Bff's

So I was realizing today (like many other days) that everyone has one friend that they are really close too. Like, there's friend groups yeah, but even inside those groups there's always two friends who are paired together or something. You get what I'm saying? If you don't, then you might as well stop reading here.

And I've realized something. I don't have one of those people. I thought I did, like really, but now I'm not so sure... I think they prefer someone else over me too. Like, I would call this person my bestie, and I kinda felt like they were the one friend that I could be paired with and talk to no matter what, but... Given we didn't talk to much or anything tho... Maybe I scared them off? Maybe they got tired of me? Maybe...

Again, pretty positive they prefer someone else's company over mine.

Idk they might read this but I don't think they'd realize it was them. They might, but Idk.

Maybe it's because I don't fit in? I don't have a friend to really annoy all the time. Every time I think I do, I get proven wrong. Because they always get closer to someone else.

And that's okay! I'm not trying to bash or hurt feelings here (¿), cuz I do have friends and friend groups. I just don't have that one friend. You know? It kinda hurts.

Maybe it's cuz I'm not likable enough?
Maybe it's cuz I don't fit in?
Maybe it's cuz I'm a loner?
Maybe it's because no one likes me?
Maybe it's cuz I'm not good enough?
Maybe it's because I'm me...

Idk. I guess this turned into a rant. I'm not in the most happy mood right now... Fuck this. Why do I always go and mess things up? I'm sure I did something wrong...

I don't want your pity. I just want you to have someone to relate to if you can, and I also want to get these things out of my system.

10:48 PM. 7/28/2016