Open Wounds | Captain Swan

3. His Remedy

           

His first intention was inclined to punch her in the face, punishing her for the sins she had committed. But he longed to wrap his arms tightly around her mid-section and embrace her until she was at a loss of breath. He eventually chose the latter.

Butterflies exploded in her stomach as sparks rushed through the blood in her veins when their bodies collided. Unlike herself he hadn't changed much. Everything about his body still felt familiar, except his eyes. The warming, sparkling flicker they possessed over had faded. Like someone expired the usually indomitable fire and replaced it with impenetrable, icy water that protected his heart from shattering. It was a change she had detected immediately.

Time was frozen as he clung onto her. He had never been so eager to hug someone before. He had also never felt the urge to punch someone this strong, but he could never harm Emma. Though, he doubted the damage she had caused was repairable. She was different. She seemed more mature than before, but despite that, he was positive she felt defeated. Defeated by someone or something.

His right hand rested on the small of her back, the way it still fitted perfectly made their hearts melt. His left hand found itself threaded with her blonde locks. His nose was nuzzled into her hair, inhaling her familiar scent, and exhaling deep breathes that made her shiver.

Soft sobs slowly started to flee from her lips as she felt the indescribable urge to kiss him. But she had her doubts. She was unsure about his intentions, all she knew was that she was determined to walk back into his life now that he learned she still had a life.

She regretted her decision the moment she passed the town line, but as Killian predicted, her walls went straight back up again and maybe wouldn't crumble down again. But she disagreed with him about one fact, she was positive he could knock them down again and unlock the lock that secured her heart was safe.

They parted, the sight of Emma's watery eyes almost made him burst out into tears as well. The fact that he had cried so much the last year was probably the only thing that helped him prevent them from streaming down his cheeks.

"Can I come in?" She asked, immediately regretting it. She felt as she couldn't do a thing right within his presence anymore. She also hoped the first thing she would tell him was something more romantic, but she didn't want to seem desperate.

He nodded, his tongue not ready to speak as he stepped aside, gesturing for her to enter what appeared to be their new home. He went to grab her bag, but she beat him to it and carried it inside.

She dropped her bed on the empty bed and turned around to see him staring at her, his eyes burning a hole into her head. "What?" She asked, her cheeks reddening.

"Really, Swan?!" He raised his voice. "You make everyone believe you're dead, and now you just happily walk back into my life and I'm not allowed to look at you?! Geez, Swan. I missed you so bloody much it ate me alive. I haven't slept longer than five hours per night! I used to drown myself in rum!"

"Killian, I'm-"

"What?! You're sorry?! But guess what, Swan, you don't get to be sorry! Nothing in the world could ever change what you did!" He slammed a glass against the wall, almost hitting Emma but she managed to doge it before he disappeared into the bathroom.

Tears escaped her eyes as she cleaned up the shattered glass. She wasn't scared of him, she knew he would never hurt her on purpose. The anger and emotions were just blocking his view, he wasn't seeing clearly.

After she cleaned up she took place on the edge of her bed, examining the room. She recognized all of Killian's stuff immediately. When the clock struck five she decided to go see him, she earned him an explanation.

She stood up and walked towards the bathroom door. She quietly knocked on it. "Killian? Can I come in?" She carefully asked, her voice low.

"It's open," She heard him mumble from inside. She pushed the door open and found him sitting on the tiled floor. His back was against the wall and he had a bottle of rum in his right hand. "What do you want?" He snapped, taking another sip of his rum.

"I'm sorry," She chocked on the lump in her throat, which she got from the sight of him as his eyes remained focused on the sink.

"Look, Emma," He moved her gaze to intertwine with hers. "I don't want your apology.... I just want to know why you did it." He told her.

"I did it for you," She replied. "I did it to protect you. That day my mom died, when you were gone, Albert did things to me. I think we both know what he did. I knew he would never leave me alone unless I disappeared forever-"

"Well that plan failed." He snapped, his anger blocking his ability to be worried about her.

She sighed, trying to contain her anger, and not slap him in the face. "Anyway, I would've taken you with me, but that would've been too obvious. I'm truly sorry, Killian, and I also know that's not going to help you now."

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"Tell you what?" She asked, her brows pulled together.

"About what he did to you?!" He yelled, dropping his bottle, and spreading all the liquid over the floor as he stood up until his face was only inches apart from hers.

"It wasn't your burden to bear." She could clearly smell the alcohol that escaped his lips along with his breath.

"But I did bear it, didn't I?" He said, looking so deep into her eyes Emma could read them anymore.

"When you thought, I was dead, that I didn't love you." Her eyes dropped to the floor, but she could still feel his examining her.

He sighed, looking around the bathroom as if he would find answers there, but that was just a useless attempt to get out of a crappy situation easily. "How can I trust you when you keep making choices on your own?" He took her chin between his thumb and index finger, lifting it so he could see her eyes when she answered.

"You can't." She yanked his hand away and rushed out of the bathroom. He stood in shock, trying to memorize what her eyes stood like as she said that. And he quickly came to the shocking discovery that she was telling the hard truth.