Open Wounds | Captain Swan

23. If We Die, We Die

[Just tell you that I will continue this story as long as people want me to, which they do, I learned that in the comments on my last chapter. A huge thank you to everyone who commented though, they absolutely made my day. *virtual hugs to everyone*]

A smile emerged on his face when the thought of marrying her crossed his mind. He was already visualizing how she would look in a beautiful white wedding dress while she walked down the aisle, approaching him, although he knew his imagination could never be compared to the reality.

As much as he wanted to marry her, he couldn't. "I'm sorry; Emma, but I can't marry you." An acute pain arose in the place he thought his heart was located (biology was never his best-loved subject) when he saw her eyes convert hope into regret. He knew she didn't blame him for making the decision, that wasn't her. No, she regretted taking a leap of faith by asking him.

He grabbed her hand and lifted it, placing the ring in her hand as he avoided her eyes as much as possible. She shivered for a brief moment when his fingers brushed her skin, inhaling nervously.

He let go of her hand and walked over to the window, watching the rain fall from the sky as people rushed to their homes with umbrellas concealing their bodies.

Her eyes dropped until they eventually landed on the floor as she wondered how they always managed to go from perfectly happy to...this.

She had already felt the tears form behind her eyes minutes ago, and she knew if she didn't stop staring at the floor they would roll down her cheeks within a fraction of a second.

She was with Killian, so her walls were useless, but despite that she couldn't help but fear the length of their relationship had come to an end.

He was thinking so much he was almost positive Emma could hear his brain creak, but there was neither time nor space in his mind to worry about that right now.

There was a constant debate going on inside his skull. A part of him wanted to apologize and pop the question as soon as possible, but he had a bad vibe about that idea from the start. He knew it wasn't the secret he had been keeping from her that prevented him from doing what his heart longed for, but what it was remained a mystery.

"Why?" He almost tripped over his own foot when he whipped around after being interrupted by her faint, trembling voice.

When he had finally found enough courage to look her in the eyes a soft sob, which she had truly tried to prevent, escaping her lips stopped him.

He had known from the start that she was on the verge of crying and it only triggered the urge to hug her more. He also knew giving into his tendencies wasn't the solution. They had to get past this obstacle eventually, why not do it as quickly as possible?

He sighed loudly, not meaning for it to sound offensive, but Emma couldn't help but interpret it like that. She could blame the tensed conversation for it, but she knew it was a lie. She knew the reason was simply just her insecure personality.

"Emma, Love, please don't cry." He moved closer to her and wiped away her tears when she was within his reach. "I can bear pain myself, but I can't bear yours. That would take more strength than I have."

She grabbed his wrist firmly and seized it from her face. "Maybe if you'd just be reasonable here for a minute and tell me what the hell I did wrong to change your mind about our marriage."

He groaned as his mind began to analyse every possible outcome of this situation and the one that would be the most in Emma's benefit would be the one he'd chose.

He wished he could turn back time and just propose to her instead of being a coward. A coward who was afraid to reveal his feelings. He kept blaming her for putting up walls, but now he realized he wasn't any better, even worse in his mind.

He grabbed her shoulders, despite the fact that she looked unamused by it. He guided her to the bed and placed her down on the edge. He knelt in front of her and grabbed both of her hands.

For a split second she thought he was going to propose, but she pushed the thought away when she realized he had left the ring by the window. It also occurred to her that she would much rather have a romantic proposal without any secrets between them.

She managed to prevent the frown from appearing upon her face, even though she was deeply confused.

"Family is really important to me." He began. Emma shifted on the bed, uncomfortable, as she waited for him to continue. "When I was three I lost my dad. My brother died when I was six. I was only eighteen when my mom passed away in my arms and nineteen when I lost you. Or so I thought. I lost everyone. I can't lose you too."

She cupped both his cheeks, pulling him up and silently signalling for him to sit down next to her. She looked deep into his ocean blue eyes. "Your mine and I'm yours. If we die, we die. But first we'll live." It was a mystery how she still managed to speak without getting lost in his eyes as she read them perfectly.

He couldn't seem to come up with an appropriate response, so he decided to just do what his heart desired to do, but first he needed to tell her his secret.

"Before we continue any of this, there's something you should know." She swore her heart stopped beating for a few moments as she forced herself to stay calm and not jump to conclusions, although she knew she was failing miserably. "Remember the explosion? Well, I was the...uhm...one to cause it."

"You killed your father?"

"Aye."

He looked down in shame as he mentally prepared himself for her to leave him, but this time he would know why. He would know it was his fault.

"Killian, look at me." She commanded. He obeyed her, even if it was against his wishes. "I'm not mad at you." She whispered.

"You're not?"

"No, I understand it." She hesitated to continue, afraid to offend him.

"But?"

"We haven't talked about this, I have a lot of anger towards my dad and I understand that you do too." She wasn't entirely sure why she was scared to tell him. At first she had thought he might take it the wrong way and be mad at her, but after she realized it was probably because she was terrified he would be disappointed in her, which is far worse than anger. "But still, I would give anything to have him back because at the end of the day, your dad is, well, your dad."

"I don't blame you for thinking like that, but I don't want that moron back in my life." He stood up swiftly and walked towards the door.

He had almost left the room, but something stopped him. He imagined the disappointed look on her face when he would continue what he had started and it was probably one of the most hurtful sights ever.

He turned around and saw her mossy eyes sparkle with hope and joy when he did.

"Well, now that we've cleared the air." She put her hands in his as he helped her stand up before kneeling down on one knee. She has dreamed of this moment many times when she was a little girl, but never thought it would actually happen. But now that it was, she knew it would be far better than her imagination.

"I had prepared a whole speech, but that obviously doesn't suit us anymore. So, I'll just have to come up with one." He chuckled along with her giggle. "It certainly hasn't been an easy road for us, but you, my Swan, are worth every moment. I remember when we first met, you literally fell for me, but I can promise you that only seconds later I truly fell in love with you. I know I've hurt and let you down a lot, but I intend to make up for all of my sins and be the husband you deserve. Emma Swan, will you marry me?"

"Yes, Killian!" He had barely slipped the ring on her finger when she was already pulling him up. "Yes!" She repeated again, just to make sure he had truly heard her and this wasn't one of her dreams. Her exciting answer was muffled by his lips.

Her arms were wrapped around his neck so tightly there was barely any air between their fronts. They kept kissing until his back hit the wall and when it did, both knew this was far from over.

[I wonder what's going to happen next chapter. I hope the speech was kind of okay. I've never been really good at that. Anyway, I hope you liked it and perhaps you can find the time to tell me what you think? X]