Open Wounds | Captain Swan

43. Epilogue I: Enough?

She shifts slightly under the heavy comforter, trying and failing to find more warmth. All the heat has been drained from her body at even the thought of abandonment. She has made a promise though, one she will have to uphold. It wouldn't be fair if she didn't.

"But I'm willing to try." He admits, shattering the rising wall of ice between them. She snorts, tracing lazy shapes on her arm to keep her busy, to prevent her from seeking his eyes and falling apart. Because, in the brief moments before he had told her about his intentions, she had imagined him saying something similar.

Everything before the word 'but' is horse shit. She tells herself, grinning as she remembers the first time one of her former foster dads had taught her that lesson. He was one of the few dainty adults she had lived with.

"Something worth laughing at that I should know about?" Killian asks, suddenly feeling as though he was invading her privacy and he debates apologizing for intruding.

She pauses before replying, taking that moment to gravely consider him, examining his face, searching for any trace of a smile until she found one. As soon as she reaches his eyes, gazing into them hazardously-they hold the power to change her mind by simply doing nothing-she finds her proof, hidden safely behind the walls he has subconsciously raised again.

"Not much," She shrugs, longing for simpler times, although she's aware nothing could possibly take her back to those years. "Just something someone told me a long time ago."

She stares at his usual dark clothing, examining every crease as she awkwardly waits for him to say something. But he doesn't reply, not yet at least. He just runs his hand through his thick hair, leaving it all messy as he thinks.

She allows herself to lean against the fluffy pillow supporting her back a bit more, but she doesn't let her eyes wander away from his. She stares at the heaving of his chest, knowing he's trying to clam himself down, knowing he's just as nervous as she is.

"How did we end up like this?" He asks eventually. She raises her eyebrows, attempting to appear curious, but she already knows what he's going to say. She has known it for awhile now, this just confirms he feels the same. "So-"

"Broken?" She interrupts him, letting him know that she is just as familiar with this feeling as he is. He nods lightly, barely noticeable as he extends his hand towards her, waiting for her to slip her hand into his. Slowly she places her hand in his, trying desperately to avoid grabbing his face and locking their lips together as she can't help but wonder how many times she will have the chance to kiss him; if this is the end of their journey.

He crawls over her, lying down on his side of the bed and helping her adapt her position so that she's in his embrace. Her blonde hair is sprawled out on his shoulder and the pillow beneath him as his arms are enveloping his waist, and he remembers the first time he had held her like this as she speaks, "I've thought about it a lot, probably too much, but haven't been able to answer that question."

"Maybe it is too late, though." He says, thinking out loud. Suddenly feeling the need to hold his hand, she seizes it, so firmly it surprises him, but he doesn't complain and she hopes it won't be the last time their fingers are interlaced. "Maybe we've both hurt the other too much for this to be a healthy relationship again."

"I love you." She retorts, clearly trying to save whatever is left of their relationship. She's convinced their relationship isn't beyond saving. Or is she just too blind to see this is the end? "I may be delusional for thinking this, but isn't that enough?"

"Perhaps in a different life it would've been enough." He replies, shutting his eyes to evade shedding tears, but it's too late. He isn't capable of holding onto that one tear and it slowly trickles down his cheek, landing on the top of her head. She stiffens, knowing he is just as upset about this as she is. He clenches his jaw, suddenly feeling as if he should be ashamed of crying in front of her, and sees that as proof that their relationship is done. "But not this time. I don't believe it's enough this time."

She intends to yell at him, accuse him for being a coward that's unwilling to fight for his relationship, but as soon as her eyes reach his weary, watering eyes she can't speak anymore. She realizes she was wrong, wrong to think they would outrun this storm forever.

"So, what now?" She asks instead, feeling like the socially awkward teenager she never was as she fidgets with the ring around her finger. He doesn't provide her with an answer. She hadn't expected him to, it was a stupid question anyway.

Slowly she starts to take off the engagement ring. He doesn't figure out what she's doing until he feels the cold-but slightly warm due to her body heat-object being placed on his hand.

"No," Is all he says as he shakes his head. He doesn't need to say more, she knows exactly what he means; it's hers, he wants her to keep it. She is aware the ring will bring her a huge amount of pain if she holds onto it, but if it gives him any kind of peace she's willing to keep it a little while longer.

So, she removes it from his palm, shoving it into her pocket; she can't bear to look at it any longer than necessary, it's already bringing tears to her eyes, imagine what would happen if she were alone.

She lies back down, her back pressed against his chest. They both know he should go, but neither can dig up the courage to get up. They hold onto each other, their grips loosely because neither wants to cross a line. She thinks only a few minutes have passed when he begins to shift so he can stand up, but he feels as though hours have past.

*A FEW DAYS LATER*

[I'm not gonna write about them discussing who gets gets the couch and who gets the table and stuff like that, sorry.]

"I guess this is goodbye then?" She tries to fake a smile, but ends up biting her lip to stop it from trembling uncontrollably.

"I suppose so, yeah." He cups her cheek and she stands on her tip-toes so she can press her lips to his one last time. He doesn't truly respond; he still feels numb and broken. He just sighs, knowing he will savor this moment for the rest of his life, just like he knows she will regret abandoning him her entire life.

The kiss lasts too long, yet too short. He's the one to pull away first, releasing her soft lips slowly as he grabs the last bag, which he had packed earlier that day. "You're still the best thing that's ever happened to me, do you understand?"

She nods, not having the energy to speak, right now she needs to be alone, although her heart desires the exact opposite.

He turns around, swinging the bag around his shoulder as he exits what used to be their bedroom. Ghost jumps up and trots after him when Killian called for him and that's the last thing she hears him say.

And just like that she was once again alone.

[ #EveryoneHatesKeriBecauseSheHasntUpdatedForAlmostAMonth I feel like this chapter is so dramatic tho😂 and I'm literally so uncreative and I don't even know what to do anymore; everything I write is so bad. Sooooo, Next chapter will be the last😉 PREPARE FOR ONE LAST EMOTIONAL RIDE, MY SWEET SUMMER CHILDS!]