The R Word (On Hold)

Chapter 6 - The Mirror

“It’s just a stomach bug” Jane argued, as the college nurse pressed one cool hand to her forehead and another to read her pulse with two fingers. Alfie and Danielle waited by the door, their expressions and postures matching like a pair of twins. They were hunched forward slightly, their arms crossed over their chests, their brows bent as they watched her carefully; as if waiting for her to shatter into a million pieces.

The nurse called Kathy with brushy brown hair smiled down at Jane, “Well whatever it was, it’s passed now but I will have to send you home I’m afraid. We can’t have you infecting others”

Jane sighed with a heavy nod “Okay, but my parents are at work, so I don’t know how I’d get home“

“I’ll take you” Alfie said quickly. He turned to the nurse, “Will you be able to excuse me for the rest of the day? I just wanna make sure she’s okay”

“Alfie” Jane protested, “You can’t miss your-”

“If your mum found out that I left you alone, she would have my head. I’m taking you home” he insisted boldly. Jane looked away, feeling annoyed.

Not just at Alfie for his stubbornness, but at herself for letting him affect her in this manner. Jane thought she had everything under control. She hadn’t made herself sick for months, not since being discharged. In those early days, she’d wound herself up so much she would empty her stomach at least three times a day. Her food wouldn’t stay down. Her stomach rejected any kind of liquid. It was only thanks to the Ciplactin pills the doctor subscribed to her that her appetite slowly returned. The only side effect to the pills was drowsiness, but Jane didn’t mind. With nightmares plaguing her night after night, she welcomed a sleep without dreams, without shadows.

Katy stood and walked over to her computer. After a few taps on the keyboard and clicks of the mouse, she looked over her shoulder with a smile, “I’ve let both your tutors know of your absences”

Danielle stepped forward, looking over at Jane “Are you sure you’re gonna be okay? I would come with you, but I’m already late for class”

Jane shook her head, “No, no you go. I can’t be responsible for another one of us missing out”

Alfie glared at her with a grin, “She’ll be fine. I’ll text you, when I get her home”

“Okay” Danni sighed, quickly wrapping her arms around Jane, “Feel better soon. Get plenty of rest”

“Yes, Ma’am” Jane sighed, getting tired of being told what to do. She understood their concern for her like any friend would, but when they start behaving like your mother, that’s when things get frustrating. 

--

Jane was hugging her stomach, as Alfie drove her home. Every roundabout turn and up-down speed bump sent tremors through her like a punch to the gut. At the corner of her eye, she saw Alfie watching her. He kept looking like he wanted to say something to her, but quickly thought better of it. The silence between them weighed heavily on Jane. She felt bad for ruining his first day, but then realised he hadn’t said a word about his class or his tutor. She should ask. 

They had just turned the corner, driving down her road of clean cut terraced houses, when Jane’s mobile received a text. She looked at it. It was her mother:

Just got a call from the college. Hope you’re okay. I’ll be home at five and I’ll bring your favourite chicken soup home. Love you, Mum xx

Jane smiled to herself. Her mother was a saint. She’d been unbelievably patient with her the past few months. She’d put up with her nightmares, her quiet moods and angry outbursts. She never pressured her to open up about what happened. But, Jane believes, if she had asked…she would have broken down and told her everything. But since she hadn’t, Jane didn’t. Perhaps, she never would. It was her burden to bear. Placing it on someone else, someone she loved was selfish. Jane couldn’t ruin her parents, just as she couldn’t ruin Albert.