The R Word (On Hold)

Chapter 26 - The Winner Takes It All

Jane stumbled into her bedroom; whipping off her bag, shoes and jacket. She couldn't understand what was happening to her. She was hot all over; flustered and clammy. Her mind felt like a hurricane; spinning out of control and tearing through her. She couldn't breathe properly. They came out in short, sharp bursts. She clutched her chest and bent over. Stars began to appear.

"Please," she trembled; her body beginning to shake. "Please make this stop please."

There was nothing for it. She sprinted into her parents on suite bathroom, ran the shower on cold and hopped in; fully clothed and breathing hoarsely. She stood there for several minutes; gasping and letting the water wash over her. She was soaked to the bone, but she didn't care. The storm in her mind had eased. Her lungs had loosened; breathing was easy again. She had goosebumps but they were welcomed.

Jane fell back against the wall and slid down; sitting directly under the rushing water.

Who would believe it? She thought. I'm having a breakdown. And I'm only sixteen!

Her meeting with Debbie had not gone as she'd planned. She'd hoped to walk in and just blurt out secret. Simple enough. It would have been one burden off her heart. She would have found the courage to tell Danielle and Alfie. She would have found the courage to tell everyone. All she had to do was open her mouth and speak.

And what did she do? She quit and ran like a coward. This was her one and only chance to finally tell someone, and she didn't take it. She made her complete fool of herself. She made Debbie feel uncomfortable. Jane groaned, hiding her face in her hands. That's all she needed, more awkwardness, more alienation. Who ever said college would be alright was an idiot.

Oh wait. I'm the idiot. I wanted to go. I knew I shouldn't have, she rambled. I should have just got a job, moved out and enjoyed life. I've been in education all my life. I should have got out when I could. This is all my fault! Everything that's happened, it was because of me! I did this. I did all of this-

"Jane!"

The shower door shrilled open. A hand cupped her wet cheek. She started, looking up to see her dad. She began to sob. He couldn't see her like this. She was a mess. She couldn't show this to her parents. She couldn't show this to anyone. She had to suffer in silence. It was her way of living now.

"Oh honey, what have you done?" he cooed, slipping into the shower next to her and wrapping his arms around her tightly.

"Dad, you'll get your suit wet," she panicked, but leaning into him.

He tut under his breath. "Don't worry about that now." He reached up and turned the shower up slightly. He rubbed her arms. "Better?"

She nodded and buried her face into his chest. "I'm sorry...f-for everything," she whispered.

He shushed her, caressing her wet hair and kissing her forehead. "It's okay honey. It'll be okay. I promise."

How? She thought miserably. How will anything be okay again?