The R Word (On Hold)

Chapter 15 - What The Hell?

A/N: I apologise if you are sensitive to swear words. No bashing comments please.

However much she wanted not to think about it, Jane knew her unnatural high wouldn’t last. Just one look at Danni and Steven, caught in a tight embrace as she and Alfie entered the college and her good mood vanished.

They must have patched things up. She thought, fighting the urge to gag. Alfie noticed too.

“They must have patched things up” he observed. Jane hid a smile in his chest. Yep, it’s official. He’s a mind reader.

“Hey” Alfie cheered, as they approached where they sitting. Danni pulled away, smiling and blushing. Steven grinned like the cunning villain he was, keeping his hand placed on her bare thigh. It was a testament, no doubt, meant to rub Jane’s face in the fact that Danni was his. Not in the same way, Jane was Alfie’s. Danni was his to control and manipulate, to have whenever he wanted. Looking at his smug expression, Jane knew it and felt her stomach roll. Only Alfie’s hold her kept her from legging it, worse yet from vomiting again.

“Hey guys” replied Danni, a happy chirp in her tone. She gazed over at Jane and stood. “Jane, can I talk to you?”

“S-sure” she murmured, pulling away from Alfie. Danni walked away in the direction of the vending machines. Then, making her own statement to the villain, Jane kissed Alfie wetly with a giggle. Steven averted his gaze with a frown.

See how you like it, Jane thought spiteful. She shouldn’t taunt him, but with his recent behaviour he deserved everything he got. She pulled away, Alfie staring at her wide eyed. ““I’ll be right back”

In a daze, he nodded too much and went to sit beside Steven. As she turned to join Danni, Jane shot a glance back to see him staring after her; his cheeks on fire. She looked away quickly, goosebumps intensifying along her arms.

Meeting Danni just as she inserted a couple of coins into the machine, Jane coughed her throat and leaned against it; her arms crossed. Danni’s Special K cereal bar dropped from its slots and she bent to retrieve it.

“You wanted to talk to me?” started Jane, noticing Danni avoiding her gaze.

“Yeah” she murmured. Slowly, Danni turned to look at her; her breath holding. “Yesterday…me and Steven-”

Jane felt her heart squeeze. Please don’t say it!

Danni sighed, with a slight blush and smile. “We had sex”

Without thinking, Jane’s hand went to her mouth and she walked away from the machine, away from Danni. Every part of her wanted to slap Danni and curse her with every name she could think of. How could she be so stupid? She thought she was in love in him…if only she knew about him, about what he did to her! Had she known, this wouldn’t have happened! He wouldn’t have been part of their lives. He would have faded away from memory, his name too poisonous to say aloud.

Danni approached her cautiously. “Last night, he came round to apologise. It just happened. My parents were at a counselling session. We were alone. We were making up, and then making out…”

Jane shivered, holding her hand up to stop her. “I don’t want to know”

“Why are you being like this?” Danni suddenly exclaimed loudly, passers-by turning around to watch them.

“You wouldn’t understand” Jane growled.

“Oh, I understand perfectly. You’re just jealous that it wasn’t you first!”

It was me first, you bitch! Jane had wanted to shout, but her demons snatched and caught the thought on her tongue; choking her. “I’m not jealous” she hissed.

Danni snickered, her eyes watering. “Keep telling yourself that. I know you are. Don’t think I haven’t noticed how you look at Steven”

“What?!” Jane shrieked, her bag slipping from her shoulder. “You think I want Steven? He is the last person in this world that I would ever want! He’s…he’s-“

“He’s what?” Danni shrieked impatiently. Her stomach turning, blood racing around her ears, Jane heard white noise; sharp and piercing. She was suddenly conscious of their audience. Sure, people passed on by, but they were watching; their ears eager to hear some juicy gossip. No matter how angry she was at Danni, how disgusted she felt with herself for letting Steven take her, Jane couldn’t bring herself to reveal her secret. And in a public place…it wasn’t the most ideal and it certainty the best way to get back Danielle’s friendship. So shaking her head, Jane replaced her bag on her shoulder and looked at Danni hard.

“You know what, Danni?” she spat. “Do what the hell you want. Go ahead…fuck him. See where it gets you”

“I will!” Danni shouted, storming off with tears streaming down her cheeks. Then, Alfie appeared. He started towards Jane, but she waved him away.

“Alfie please” she pleaded, looking to the ground. “Just leave me alone”

She hurt him; Jane knew that before she said a word. Not waiting for his reaction, Jane turned in the opposite direction; leaving him staring after her and wondering what the hell was her problem, wondering how she could change so rapidly. One minute she was the girl he’d fallen in love, smiling and happy. Then she leaves his sight for a minute and she becomes this beast, angry at the world and everyone. Perhaps he was being too understanding, too caring. Perhaps he was suffocating her with his affection.

Why do I even bother? He thought darkly. He looked to his watch; he still had time before his lesson started, so he turned on his heel; returning to where Danni and Steven were sitting still. She was crying on his shoulder, Steven rubbing her back and frowning. Jane and Danni had never fought, never in all the time he’d known them. Something was upsetting the balance, something he didn’t know about. Or maybe it was something he didn’t want to acknowledge. As he sat down, Alfie caught Steven’s gaze and however feeling sorry his stomach tightened, his hands became fists.

 Why am I feeling like this? He asked himself.