The R Word (On Hold)

Chapter 39 - The R Word

A terrible, pregnant silence filled the room. Jane cast her eyes round, and her heart lunged into her throat. Everyone was looking at her, mouths open, hands to hearts and throats, in shock, in awe perhaps. To her surprise, she saw a few glistening eyes. She looked to her new friends in the front row. They seemed very interested in their hands, but bore thoughtful looks on their faces. 

Then, Jane looked to the one person she knew she could not escape. Debbie stood at the back of room. Her arms were crossed. She looked unusually pale and her brows were knitted together. As they stared at one another, it wasn't fear that filled Jane's heart but it was unconditional hope. If there was anyone she wanted to talk to about her ordeal, it was Debbie. The woman had opened up to her about her youth and her own issues. Why can't Jane do the same? 

The silence and tension was broken by a second bell, signifying the end of break. The class snapped out of their daze and groaned; cursing softly under their breaths. Jane saw the opportunity and hurried back to her seat. Holly patted Jane on the shoulder and Becka smiled ever so warmly. 

"Alright, alright guys," called Debbie over the noise, clearing her throat. "You can go for break now. I expect you all back in forty-five minutes."

Everyone hurried out, moaning about being hungry, late and needing to check their Facebook. Jane packed her things quickly and hurried after Holly and Becka, who were waiting by the door for her. But Debbie called her name and she stopped; slowly turning to watch her.

"Mind if I talk to you for a moment?"

Jane smiled at her friends. "I'll catch up with you."

"Okay." They closed the door and Jane was alone with the teacher.

Debbie cleared her throat and sat down at her desk. "Please. Sit."

Jane had no choice but do as she asked. She ambled slowly to the front of the room, her hands tightly around her bag, her heart pounding with every step. Her moment was coming, and the thought of saying it aloud terrified and thrilled her. She sat down, swallowing hard.

"Jane," started Debbie quietly. "Your poem-"

"I know it didn't rhyme, I just couldn't think of anything else to say," panicked Jane.

"I couldn't give two shits about it rhyming, Jane. I care that you spoke as if from experience and I must ask, as your tutor and a friend, have you ever-"

Jane held her breath, watching Debbie close her eyes and visibly struggle to say the word. The R Word. 

"It's not easy, is it?" She said and Debbie stared at her, her eyes glistening. The words tumbled out of her before she could think about them. "For so long, I couldn't even comprehend the word, what it meant, to me, to my parents, my friends, to-to my boyfriend. I couldn't even think about it. I couldn't even think about writing it. The very idea would cause me to seize up. I would start to hyperventilate, I'd throw up, and I'd always be in a much worse state than I was before. And for so long, I tried to deny that is what happened to me, but it did. Whether I said the word or not, it wouldn't change the fact that it did happen. I couldn't change it."

The teacher's mouth dropped open. "You mean-"

Jane nodded and sighed. "Yeah. I have been raped."

Debbie closed her eyes and hid her face in her hands. "Oh Jane," she whimpered. "What- when-"

"It happened last summer. My friends and I went camping for the weekend."

Debbie looked up quickly, her brow knitted together. Jane could almost hear the clogs working in her mind.