The R Word (On Hold)

Chapter 21 - The Talk

As Alfie drove her home, Jane looked out the window; staring mindlessly at the passing cars and their bright, yellow lights. It was memorising, somewhat, all the different colours that appeared from out of the darkness. The reds, the stop signs and brake lights. The orange of the overheard lamps and the fading sunset. And the go-go green of the traffic lights.

She smiled to herself.

Since it happened, Jane had taken to noticing the little things. Whereas they were so pathetic and insignificant before, she now saw the beauty in them, in everything. Age old buildings, she saw the fine detail of the carves and structure. In nature, in the wide opening spaces of the park or her garden, she saw life in its purest form; so full of potential and so free to grow, no matter the weather.

She gazed at the stars, something she had not done since she was a child. To be subject to something so much bigger than herself, was almost enlightening. It gave her time to think and ask questions; of herself, of her friendships and her...past.

Having no feedback was frustrating at the best of times, but it helped ease the burden of her secret.

"Jane?" came Alfie's voice through the mist of her thoughts. "Jane, we're here."

Jane looked round. They had indeed arrived at her house. The porch light was on, just for her. She smiled, shaking her head. Her parents always did that if she went out for the evening.

She glanced at Alfie and smiled, as he clasped her hand. He stared down at it, drawing circles and sending shivers around her body.

"Thanks for today," she said. "It was nice to get out of town for a bit."

"And thank you," he smiled. "For opening up. It's quite...er nice to know what's going on in that lovely brain of yours."

Jane laughed. "Nice isn't a word I would use, but okay."

Alfie leaned forward slightly, stroking her cheek. "Have fun tomorrow, with Danni."

"I will," she murmured, quite distracted by his soft lips. Again. His mouth formed a smile as he pressed his lips to hers, so gently and so full of love. That familiar hunger rose from the pit of her heart and soared all around her body, her heart especially as it hammered against her rib cage.

How could one boy cause so much chaos in one's body?

Jane pulled back, giggling and slightly breathless. "Maybe I should call off tomorrow and have you over instead."

"Tempting, but I can't babe. I have work remember," he replied, his tone dipped in resentment. She nodded, squeezing his hands.

"Right, I forgot."

"But I'll text you on my break. If you want?"

Jane smiled. "Of course. I bet Danni will be doing it too so yes please."

"Okay then," he laughed, kissing her once more, short and sweet. She wanted more, but her however reluctant body forced her out of the car.

"I love you," she said, leaning on the open door. "So much, you know that right?"

Alfie stared at her, and she saw the struggle in his face. She too was fighting the urge to jump back into the car, like an animal and attack him with every ounce of love she had in her body. Then, he groaned, releasing his belt and climbing over the passenger seat. Jane laughed, bending down to cup his face; his lips once more connected to hers.

This is what she loved most about Alfie, about being with him. He always tried so hard to make her happy; buying unnecessary presents and taking her out, even if it was just a walk in the park or by the sea side. But, what he never seemed to clasp, was that she was happy; just by being around him, by being loved by him. He was so predictable, and so yet unpredictable in his gestures of love, just like this one. He always went that extra mile for her.