The R Word (On Hold)

Chapter 18 - Hold it Together (Alfie's POV)

"Mum, I'm home!" called Alfie, pushing open the door to the apartment he shared with his mother. He held the door open for Jane, who shuffled in; looking to the ground. Alfie felt his heart skip at the red growing in her cheeks. She hated him acting the gentleman, but he did it anyway. He did anything, as long as it made her blush. Which was pretty often.

"In the kitchen!" cried his mum. Alfie threw down his bag and slipped out of his trainers. He looked over at Jane, who - as ever - hesitated to make herself at home. Alfie rolled his eyes, smiling as he approached to remove her bag. Jane didn't resist. The blush intensified.

"I don't need to take your shoes off too, do I?" he said, eying her feet. Jane huffed, slipping out of them then crossing her arms. She looked a child doing that, full of mischief but so innocent at the same time. Alfie stared at her dutifully, then held out his hand.

"Come here," he urged quietly, drawing her close and kissing her softly. As he knew she would, Jane relaxed under his touch and moved closer; wrapping her arms around his neck and reaching up on her tiptoes. Alfie held her by the hips, his body humming and pumping. The effect Jane had on him was immense. He couldn't think clearly when she was around. When she touched him, he couldn't think at all. Every kiss felt like the first; small, beautiful and full of hope.

He just wished Jane was able to see it too.

Alfie pulled away a few centimetres, resting his forehead on Jane's. His breathes came out unevenly, Jane too as she licked her lips.

"I love you," he whispered. It was the absolute truth, the truest thing he had ever known.

Jane sighed, but it was contented. "I love you too."

"Come on," he urged, taking her by the hand and heading for the living area. Alfie heard the clattering of pots and pans and poked his head round the corner into the kitchen.

"Hey mum," he smiled. His mum, Julie turned, her dark hair flying over her face. Alfie gulped. She looked so tired. The shadows under her eyes seemed to have grown overnight. Her eyes were bloodshot. He looked down at her. She was, quite visibly, trembling.

"Hey honey," she quivered. "Just making a chilli for dinner. Is that okay? Is Jane with you?"

Alfie stepped forward, Jane appearing in the doorway and giving a short wave and a timid smile.

Julie beamed. "Oh Jane. It is so good to see you. It's been too long. How have you been? How's college? Are you enjoying yourself? Alfie is making lots of new friends. You know he keeps-"

"Mum!" Alfie interrupted, holding her by the shoulders. She looked up at him, her lips pursued, her string of words paused. "You need to get some sleep."

She frowned. "No, no honey. I'm fine. You know two of my patients-" she rushed.

Alfie had had enough. "Come on, you're gonna get a couple hours sleep."

Keeping gentle hands on her shoulders, Alfie directed her across the open living area towards her bedroom. He turned back for a moment to see Jane already tending to the stove. Not that he would ever admit it, but he was thankful for her presence some days. It made the hardship of caring for both himself and his mother a little bit lighter.

He sat her down on her bed, and bent down to remove her shoes as if he were the parent, not the child. She looked down at him, smiling as she carcassed his cheek.

"Such a good boy," she whispered, her eyes dropping. Alfie smiled, sadly, urging her down and tucking her in. He kissed her forehead.

"I'll wake you when dinners ready," he promised, closing her bedroom door. Collapsing against the wall, Alfie washed his hands over his face; taking in a deep, deep hoarsely breath. It really went without saying, he blamed his dad for the mess they were in. He left without a single word, without explanation. How he expected them to survive on their own, was a mystery. Both he and his mum were working as many hours as they could lay their hands on. Alfie hated his job at the supermarket, packing shelves and working on the checkouts. There were nights he could even hear the beep of the scanning machine in his sleep. But he kept at it for the sake of his mother, and for a small part, for Jane too.

She deserved to be doted on. He didn't want to be one of those boyfriends who couldn't afford to take his girl out for a meal or treat her to luxurious presents just because he felt like it. After everything she'd been through, Jane deserved to be taken care of, to be shown every single day that she was loved. That she was worth it.

Hold it together, he thought. Hold it together Alfie.

When he opened his eyes, like Heaven sent, he saw Jane walking toward him with two cups of tea in hand. He beamed, meeting her halfway. He kissed her cheek lovingly, taking his own cup from her.

"Is she okay?" asked Jane, moving to sit on the settee. Alfie scratched his head, joining her with a sigh.

"Yeah," he mumbled. He stared thoughtfully at his cup, running his finger over the rim. "She's been working overtime at the hospital for the past couple of weeks. It was bound to catch up with her."

"Why? Are you getting by okay?"

Alfie chuckled softly, noting the worry in her tone. He clasped her free hand and squeezed. "Yeah we're fine. Really. we're fine."

"I know you hate it when I ask, but if you need anything-"

"Jane, no," he sighed, exhausted of the topic. "We'll think of something. I promise."

Jane nodded, her smile not quite reaching her eyes. She looked away, drinking her tea. Alfie felt a twinge of guilt in his heart. She meant well, he knew that, but if he kept relying on others to resolve his problems, he would never learn to stand on his own two feet.

Besides, she had enough to worry about without worrying about him too. Alfie smiled to himself. It was an endless circle between them. He worried about her, worried about his mum and college. She worried about him, about college, about Danni, about everyone. Just endless.

They never seemed to worried about themselves. It was selfish after all. Or maybe it was more than that.

Or maybe you're reading too much into it, suggested a little voice inside Alfie's mind. In the rare occasion, he decided to take its advice and let the matter die quietly. After all why worry about something you don't understand? This was another rare occasion. Alfie turned his mind off, temporarily and turned to Jane.

"Wanna watch a film or a bit of TV?"

Jane smiled, leaning back into the fabric. "TV is crap nowadays. A film... definitely."

Alfie jumped to his feet and walked over to the DVD stand in the far corner. So he could read the horizontal titles, he turned his head to side and scanned them quickly. Although he didn't have many, he enjoyed thrillers and action and adventure. James Bond was a very evident favourite in his collection. He smiled, removing 'Skyfall' from its slot and holding it up for Jane's approval.

She rolled her eyes with a grin. "Alright."

"Yes!" he gushed, skipping over to the television.

"But if you start mining the words, we're turning it straight off," Jane warned, smirking. Crouched down, Alfie looked over his shoulder, wide eyed and bemused.

"Says the girl who can quote every Disney film in existence."

She blushed, her mind and mouth working up a riposte. "I'm sure if they really think about, every kid does. Even you."

"Only the ones I like," he smiled, closing the DVD door and pressing play. He fell beside Jane with an animated groan and wrapped his arm around her. She let the softest, cutest sound, making herself comfortable against him.

"Is the dinner going be okay?" Alfie asked, before pressing play on the menu.

"The chilli is done," she told him. "Just waiting on the rice. I'll check on it in a bit."

Alfie smiled, starting the film. He kissed the top of her head and sat back, feeling - quite possibly - the happiest he'd been all day.