The R Word (On Hold)

Chapter 34 - The Promise (Danni's POV)

Danni was scared. No. She was more than that. She was completely and utterly petrified. She'd dragged it out for as long as she could; the calling Steven, getting him involved in her problem. If there was a way she didn't have to, she would have taken it; more than happily and without a second thought. But there wasn't, so she had to do it; ready or not.

She sat on the edge of her bed, playing with her pyjama sleeves; waiting for the bell to ring, waiting for Steven to arrive. She still had no idea what to tell him, how to tell him. This was something she'd never expected to happen, and so soon! Just thinking about it sent her body alight with panic and nausea. She didn't know how to react, if it was right to react that way. She was more than all over the place. She was in the deepest sea, the driest desert, a burning forest; trying to break free, trying to survive and cope. The elements were against her. No. The whole world was. It was literally falling apart around her and she couldn't stop it. Danni felt helpless, lost and frightened. She felt that familiar tightness in her chest and her eyes began to string. She brought her legs close and hugged herself; her face hidden from view.

Why me? She thought, the tears breaking free and spreading their chaos. Why me? I'm a good person. I don't deserve this. Not now! 

It wasn't supposed to happen. She and Steven had always been so careful. Their lust for each other was overpowering and blinding at the best of times, but they were always careful. Always. She kept up with her pill. They wore protection. Maybe there was one day, maybe she forgot one weeny pill- Was it possible? Could she have forgotten, despite her multiple reminders and alarms to take it? Could Steven have forgotten a condom one time and she didn't notice? What on earth happened? How could this have happened?

Ding-Dong! 

Danni flinched, looking towards the sound. A second of a pause, then it rang out again and again. She sucked in a harsh breath and got to her feet; taking downstairs towards the door. Through the blurred glass of the door she saw Steven's bright red t-shirt and fidgeting, impatient silhouette. 

Oh please help me say the right thing, she begged, gulping as she flicked the lock and opened it. She met Steven's panicked gaze immediately and her stomach flipped. He was ghostly pale; still fidgeting and frowning at her. Why was he feeling nervous? 

"Hey." His voice cracked, as if he'd run for miles and was parched. Danni gulped one more time, before her rational mind kicked her into action. 

"Hey," she sighed, opening the door wide for him to enter. Steven looked her up and down, clearly puzzled by her dress.

"Are you okay?" he asked, stepping closer and cupping her cheek. Danni hated how she flinched at his touch, a touch she'd craved and loved. Just as he always did, he noticed and his frown deepened; the space between them once more vast and hurtful. "What is it? I've been out of my mind-"

"I know and I said I'm sorry," she hissed, looking to her feet; her arms crossed over her chest. This was a bad idea. She should have just suffered in silence. She should have left Steven out of this. She knew what he was like with bad news. He just looked at her as if she was mad, completely oblivious to his feelings. 

"Sorry? That's it?" he grumbled. Danni snapped, a wave of alien emotion overwhelming her. 

"Oh stop feeling so sorry for yourself you asshole!" she shrieked, slapping his shoulder enough to make him wince and stumble back. "Have you ever thought about me, the person who's been going through this ALL BY HERSELF? I bet you haven't! I have been a complete wreck! I can't get hold of Jane when I really need her. I was scared to call you Steven because I didn't know how you would react! Hell-" she broke out in fits of hysterics. "I don't know even know how to react!"