The R Word (On Hold)

Chapter 36 - Outgoing

After a shower and changing onto her pyjamas, Jane scrolled downstairs and into the kitchen to find her parents enjoying a quick nightcap. They too were in their nightwear, her mother in her purple dressing gown and her dad in his blue. They both looked up in surprise.

"Honey, why are you still up?" her mum asked. Jane shrugged her shoulders and made herself a glass of squash.

It was late and she had college in the morning, but she didn't really care. She had too much on her mind; too much Danni and Alfie, and none of it was good. Jane kept replaying the phone call with Danni over and over in her mind. She deserved to be yelled at. She wasn't around to help her best friend. That was Danni's fair point. What troubled her most was her more than suspicious pause when she'd asked about her flu. Was it really just the flu, or was it something else? Jane didn't want to explore any other possibility, but her mind was. It was running on air and it was utterly exhausting.

Then, there was Alfie. The minute she'd arrived home, she'd jumped out of the car and left him like he was a leper. Their goodbye was far too brief and strained. Jane had hugged Julie and thanked her for coming. Julie hugged her parents and begged them to do the trip again. Alfie had stood by the car the whole time, staring at the ground; lost in thought.

It was only by her mother's urging that Jane approached him. She remembered the look on his face. He looked so small and confused, and it was because of her. She hesitated in her goodbye, not because she'd miss him and his comfort but because things were again awkward. Once more, something had got between them and spoiled everything. She didn't kiss him or hug him goodnight. He looked withdrawn and frustrated. He probably didn't want her affection. He wanted answers, answers she wasn't ready or willing to give just yet. Well, at least, that was her reasoning. She'd want answers. Wouldn't he?

"Jane? Jane?"

Jane started, looking over her shoulder. Her parents were staring at her.

"Hm, what? What did you say?" she asked innocently.

Her mum sighed. "I said, are you and Alfie okay? The way you two looked at each other earlier...well I just thought something may have happened."

Jane downed her squash and shook her head. "Nope, everything is fine. It was just a long drive and we were tired. We're fine really."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah," she affirmed, walking towards the door. She looked her shoulder again and played a smile. "We're fine, I promise. And thanks for taking us. That place was amazing."

"Don't thank me," her mum giggled. "Thank my company. Hopefully this good luck stays with us. God knows we need it."

Jane nodded, absentmindly and beamed. "Yeah, let's hope. Anyway, I best go and get some sleep. Love you."

Her parents muttered their goodnights and love yous, as she walked back to her room; the heat and smell of her home reminding her she wasn't at the lake house anymore. She loved her home, what child didn't, but having spent time away and had fresh, forest air in her lungs, she wanted to go back.

Jane closed her door, climbed onto her bed and picked up her notepad and pen. Speak was laid out in front of her, held open by her phone and another book. She sighed, staring down at the spread. She'd arrived at the part she had been dreading the most: the attack scene. Being in the first person, it made the passage even worse. It made Jane think of her own ordeal; something she'd forbidden herself from doing ever again. Just looking at it again, reading and imagining it, made her sick.

How can Debbie expect us to read this? She thought, slamming her pad and pen down.