The R Word (On Hold)

Chapter 17 - Patience

Her heart feeling light, Jane let a sigh of relief; the clean ocean air filled her lungs and brought incredible peace to her otherwise troubled and destructive mind. What was once a battlefield, it was now a field of sunflowers and rainbows and unicorns. Jane smiled to herself. Perhaps not the unicorns, but it was close.

"Here we go," said Alfie, settling down beside her on the bench, holding two trays of chips. "Vinegar, ketchup but no salt."

Jane laughed, taking the tray off his hands. She felt the chips warmth right through the polystyrene. "Thanks."

Alfie blushed, piercing a chip with his wooden fork and shoving it in his mouth. Jane rolled her eyes with a smile. Why use a pathetic piece of wood, when you can simply use your fingers? She let it slide and ate in silence; enjoying the view before her.

They sat at the very end of the pier. There were one or two fishermen, with their metre long rods, and nets and cans of bait. Couples walked hand in hand up and down the walkway, mothers pushed their baby prams, and groups of bunking teenagers dominated the arcades and bumper cars. Adele's song "Set Fire to the Rain" started to play softly overheard and Jane started to hum along without really thinking about it.

She watched the waves curl and crash onto the golden beach; crawling higher and higher almost reaching the pebbled bank. She saw a group of young girls, most probably six or seven years old, running toward the sea then retreating from the coming wave, squealing as if it would eat them whole. Once the tide went out, they ran for the ocean again, daring to see how close they could get without getting wet.

Jane remembered the game. It was one she and Danielle played often when they were children, on their play dates with their parents. How easy and simple their lives were back then. They were so young, so carefree, so together and naive of the world and its temptations. She looked down at the half empty tray and her appetite was gone. Her smile was gone too.

The voice in her head sighed. You come away to forget and you still remember and make yourself miserable. Will you ever stop!?

Jane closed her eyes, answering her own question. Why couldn't she just forget, just for one afternoon? Why couldn't she be that carefree girl again and enjoy her life, instead of worrying and making herself sick? Why couldn't she?

She felt a hand nudge her shoulder and looked up to see Alfie staring at her. "Hm? What did you say?"

"I said, are you okay?" he asked, placing his empty tray between them. He looked down at Jane's tray and sighed. "Lost your appetite?"

Jane looked at it sheepishly. "Sorry."

"It's fine," Alfie grumbled, collecting up the trays and heading to the bin. Jane stared after him, feeling as guilty as ever. Here he was, making all the effort and she wasn't giving anything in return. She was being unbelievably selfish, and she knew it.

When Alfie returned, Jane moved closer to him until her head rested on his shoulder. She clasped his cool hand and played with his fingers, a smile dancing onto her face. Alfie turned his head, kissing the side of her head and leaning against it.

"I'm sorry," she said softly, after a long silence. "What I said to you earlier..."

"It's alright."

"No, it's not," protested Jane. "I was angry at Danni and I took it out on you. I shouldn't have done that, so I'm sorry."

"What is going on with you two lately?" asked Alfie, frowning. "I mean all summer while she was in Italy you kept phoning her and telling me how much you missed her. But now, you can't have a conversation without ripping each other's throat out."