The R Word (On Hold)

Chapter 29 - In Deep Water

"God, I look ill," trembled Jane, looking at herself in the full length mirror. Her long blonde hair was tied back in a high ponytail. She was wearing a red polka-dot bikini that hugged her hips, and pushed out her otherwise small breasts. It was unnerving. Against her frightfully pale skin, it was vivid and shocking, like blood.  Then, looking at herself more closely, she couldn't deny that she'd lost weight. Her stomach wasn't as plump as it used to be. It was almost flat. Her legs had toned up, but her knee caps looked hideous and bony in the mirror. Even her arms and elbows looked defined and sharp. Then, there was her face. The dark circles under her eyes seemed ever present; darkening by the day. Her eyes seemed smaller, tapered and exhausted. She sighed, closing her eyes to the mess in front of her. 

Four months. That's all it took. Four months of stress, panicking and remembering. That's all it took to change her forever. 

"Hey. Are you okay?" 

Jane couldn't help but shiver, as Alfie's arms came round her unexpectedly. She hadn't even heard him come in. Oh, the joys of being dragged down into misery. You're completely oblivious to the reality around you. She fell into him, his warmth enveloping her, his lips kissing her neck and shoulder tenderly; soothing her of all her anxieties. Almost.

"What's the matter?" he asked again, resting his head on her shoulder and gently moving them side to side. She opened her eyes and looked long at their reflection in the mirror. He looked amazing and strong; tanned skin, messy hair, deep and friendly eyes. Then, there was her: puny, dull, pale and sick looking. 

"I look awful," she murmured, unable to conceal the tremor in her voice. Alfie's reflection frowned and his arms tightened around her, almost protectively.

"You look perfect."

Jane shook her head. "You're my boyfriend. You're meant to say things that will cheer me up," she sassed, bitterly.

She heard Alfie sigh, as she pulled herself free and walked to her bed, where her denim shorts and a tee were laid out waiting.

"I'm your boyfriend," he echoed, ambling towards her. "I'm meant to tell you the truth." 

Jane slipped into her shorts, then turned on Alfie. "But look at me," she stressed, gesturing to her body. "I mean, really really look."

Alfie surprised her by laughing and wrapped her once more in his arms. It was a curse. She lost all resistance. She couldn't help but stare up at him, wondering how he could be so amused by her insecurities. He wouldn't like it if she started pointing out his flaws, and she could name a few. And they were embarrassing. 

"I am looking, and I love what I see," he admitted, sweetly and her plans for revenge collapsed. He was so sincere, and painfully truthful. "If it’s a case of fattening you up, I'm sure your dad's breakfasts can help with that."

She sighed, rolled her eyes at him. "Alfie-"

"I know that's not what you meant," he cut her to the quick and peck her chastely on the lips. "Jane. You are gorgeous. Why can't you see that?" 

She shrugged her shoulders, looking to his bare chest and heart as if they held the answers. Then, he hooked her chin and tilted her head back gently. He smiled and Jane melted underneath him, his loving gaze and heated touch.

"Hey. Stop worrying. It's only you, me and our parents here," he reminded her. "No one is judging you, and no one is staring or watching your very move. Stop worrying."

She cocked her head to the side, and beamed. "Well, no one besides you," she said, reaching up on her toes and wrapped her arms around his neck. Alfie laughed, his hands moving slowly down her body and grabbing her buttocks; holding her in place and close to him. He rested his head on hers; their lips a breath apart.