Dreams

Depression

[Inspired by the recent tweets by Troye Sivan]

So recently, a YouTuber I watch, Troye Sivan, tweeted something about self-harm. He said that it was (I'm paraphrasing) pretty sick that people who self harming or pretending to just because it's become some pop culture thing for attention, and that he feels genuinely upset for people who actually suffer from self harming who have to deal with not only people accusing them of doing it for attention, but for having to put up with people who actually are doing it for attention.

And I couldn't agree more, which is why I'm writing this.

There are actually people out there who want to stop harming themselves, but they genuinely feel that that is their only escape. And when people accuse them of doing it for attention? That must hurt. And yet there are people who will physically harm themselves because they want people to see them, and pity them, for no real reason.

And then there's the whole talk on depression. Where I come from, there are so many people, too many people, who say "Well I'm actually depressed.", When it's clearly obvious they are not. Depression is a real disorder that many people struggle with, and I think people are throwing the word around like its nothing. I mean, of course there are days when I feel crappy or upset or lonely (Hell, you were all there when I thought I was spirally into insanity), but I know I'm not depressed. I never have been. Even when people say, "I'm just feeling depressed,", that isn't even clinically a correct term. You were not depressed. You were sad. Or angry. Or confused.

In medical terms, being depressed is when you feel that way, in a mood of hopelessness or constant sadness for weeks to months on end, without ever once feeling happy or good. So when people tell me that they're depressed, and then see me the next day all bottles of sunshine and rainbows, it gets me mad. You are not depressed. You do not have depression. You were just feeling down.

Okay, I guess I can understand if people say "I was feeling a little depressed yesterday," because they're using it as an adjective to describe their mood, but when people tell me they have depression, as in clinical depression, and it's more than obvious that they do not, then that's what I don't understand.

I've never been in depression, and it was only today that I found someone who was. In legit, deep, sadness. And I didn't know them personally, To be honest, it was through Tumblr, but even through a blog post it was obvious that his person was just feeling completely horrible. And so I just set them a little anon message, trying my best to help, and honestly, it was heartbreaking. Because I've been around people who pretend to have Depression for so long, that when I realized there are so many people out there who are really feeling like they are worth nothing in this world, it hit me like a ton of bricks. It's such a horrible feeling to know that people are so sad, and I can't do anything about it.

And people will throw around three terms as if thy mean nothing, and they mean so much more, it hurts me. Those terms are Self Harm, Depression, and Suicide.

Now, I'm not going to get into the third one too much, because one, it really is just a horrible and awful thing, and two, there could be people actually out there who feel like they want to do that. But what I'm going to say is today I ears some people talking, saying, "Oh, two teenagers at my school committed suicide last week," and they were throwing the terms around like they were just some gossip, when they were talking about two real, sad people, who ended their lives. And they didn't realize how horribly sad that is.

I'm ending this here with this: If you actually are suffering with depression, or suicidal, or even if you do just feel alone sometimes, just know that someone will always listen. Someone will always care. An you've all heard this, probably so many times, all the stupid "it gets better" stuff, but it does. But you need to believe that. I was listening to a Radio Show today about happiness, an I'm so upset that I couldn't get the persons name, but thy said "Never suffer in silence.", And you all need to remember that.

Never, ever, suffer in silence.