Attraction | V.N Y.K [Book 1] ✔️

Chapter 14

Keeping my sanity around Viktor for the next couple of hours was the hardest part of that day.

Not the tiring practice, not the constant rude remarks from Yurio. It was Viktor.

I still wasn't sure about anything I had thought about earlier on that day. It all felt so unreal; like a dream.

I'm a man who's never experienced anything like love before. My entire life I'd pushed everything away, the thought barely even ever crossed my mind. And on the occasional times it did, I decided to ignore it. I always thought it was just a distraction and nothing more. It needed to get lost, in my opinion.

So how could this have happened so suddenly? It just doesn't make sense.

But it seems like every time I try to deny it, it just flashes right back in front of my face. And that's because I can't. A part of me has already accepted it whilst the other just isn't having it.

I realize everything falls into place. All these emotions I've been feeling lead up perfectly to this one conclusion. All the times I could barely control my breathing when he'd even come close to me and the exhilaration I feel to never let him leave my side.

And the fact that I like it when he kisses me, and I want him to do it again.

I really, really want him to do it again.

And doesn't that just prove everything?

So I need to learn to accept it and get it over with. But then why do I still keep running from Viktor every time he even remotely comes near me or talks to me?

Practice has ended. Yurio's gone back to the house which means it's just Viktor and I walking home.

And.. tomorrow's the day of the competition.

I grab my bag and start to head out the doors, not even waiting for Viktor. I don't want to face him.

I can't face him.

"Yuri!" He yells, running after me. I feel my body tense up.

"I-I'll be at the house!" I shout back, starting to run. I can hear him trying to catch up to me but I'm running way to fast. I haven't run this fast in probably fifteen years.

I can feel my heart rate quickening and my face is starting to burn.

I haven't even looked at him, so why is this happening? Is it just the sound of his voice?

I guess so, I have always loved his voice.

I start to run a little bit faster when I see Viktor's right on my tail. I turn the corner to my house and go to open the door.

"Wait!" Viktor yells. I freeze and stand still.

I close my eyes.

Just go in the damn house, before it's too late.

Go, now! 

"Yuri, did I do something wrong?" Viktor asks. My hand latches onto the doorknob but I don't open it. "Because if I did, I'm sorry. Really."

I feel my open hand clench into a fist. Sure, I may be running away because my body won't be able to handle being close to him, but there's more.

So much more.

I'm hurt. I'm extremely hurt.

I don't want to forget about that day.

I can't forget about that feeling I got. That overwhelming amount of safety I felt wash over my body when he held me close to him. The rush of soothing happiness I got when I felt his soft lips.

And all these emotions I'm feeling. If he's telling me to forget about the kiss, does that mean I have to forget about these feelings as well? Even though he's not directly indicating it, because he doesn't know I feel this way; isn't it just a given?

And no matter how much my head screams 'Yes, please forget about them'.. My heart and body doesn't want to. I want these feelings. I almost feel.. normal. Like I have some sort of purpose.

But more than anything, I've felt love, for the very first time.

And I mean real, genuine love. Not just some phony shit.

"Yuri, seriously, I'm sorry, okay?" He says. He hasn't moved an inch and I look down at the ground, letting my hair fall over my face. I can feel the lump in my throat growing but I keep it down.

"Are you now," I mumble, laughing lightly, making my words barely loud enough for him to hear.

"What?" He says. I grit my teeth and clutch onto the doorknob tighter.

"It's nothing." I say, feeling myself grow depressed and angry at the same time.

"Yuri, it's obviously not noth-"

"I said it's nothing!" I yell, losing all self control.

I gasp to myself, covering my mouth. It stays silent for a few moments before Viktor finally speaks.

"Yuri, could it be that you don't want to forget?"

I feel my body become completely frozen and my eyes widen. But after a couple seconds, I laugh to myself, twisting the doorknob.

"Not at all, Viktor." I whisper. "Forgetting is going to be the easiest part."

I feel my body start to get heavy at that lie. I can barely even handle saying those words.

But it could all end if he knew that.

I don't even wait for his reply as I turn around, smiling at him.

"Don't worry about me, Viktor."

And with that, I step into the house, walking away.

I close the door to my bedroom and flop down on my bed, back first. I put my hand on my forehead and stare up at the ceiling, pain growing in my chest.

Tears start to fall out of the corners of my eyes but I don't make any sound. My entire body is weak and I'm exhausted.

So this is what it's like to be in love, huh.

I'd always sort of wondered about this. I had read in books and seen in stories about the heartbreak you feel in situations as hard as this but I'd never believed them. I always thought that was just a lie, something you think is going to be big and grand but then ends up being small and faint.

But damn, have I ever been so wrong.

I thought it was supposed to feel good to be in love..

But I guess that's only when they love you back.

I close my eyes, another tear falling.

Which is something I'll never get to experience, even though there's a small part of me that wishes I could, for even just a moment.