afraid to love [j.u.]

03. insecurities

Joel's Point of View

I woke up and sat with back with my back leaning against the headboard. The scene kept replaying in my head. I can't believe I would do such a thing to Jazmin. All she wants to do is take care of me and hurt her. I know she's okay, but still, I feel guilty.

I got up from my bed, and put on a shirt, and went over to jazmin's room. I opened the door and I said, "Hey guys." My heart stopped. Jazmin was crying. Sobbing actually, and I don't know what to do. I've never seen her like this. She has always been a happy girl. Or has she?

A million thoughts were running through my head right now.

"W-What... What's wrong?" I asked Jesus specifically, as he was holding her tight in his arms. I felt a hint of jealousy but now is not the time.

I knelt down next to her and softly asked her, "What's wrong?"

She looked up at me. Her eyes were red and puffy. I knew she couldn't speak so I said, "You know what? Why don't you prepare yourself a bath, and we'll talk about it later.. kay?" She smiled, weakly.

She got up, gathered her clothes, and walked to the bathroom. Once I heard the water running, I asked Jesus, "What happened?"

He looked at me... confused? "I-I'm not sure if i should tell you..." his voice trailed off.

"Jesus you need to tell me i'm her brother!" i raised my voice.

"H-Her jeans d-don't fit" He muttered.

"What?!"

"I said her jeans don't fit her." he said sternly.

"And? She can just buy other jeans."

"I thought you were her brother." He said.

At this point, I am very confused, "I am."

"Then you should know why she got all hysterical about it. Wait... I'm sorry, I forgot you're always too busy fucking some girl. There's more things that you don't know about her. You just think your little sister is okay, but guess what? She's not."

(a/n slayy his life jesus)

He walked to the door, and opened it.

"One more thing..." he turned around to face me, "I'm in love with you're sister"

Before I could say anything, he left.

-

Jazmin and I didn't talk about it after. I knew she would get all hysterical again. But what I don't get is why she was crying about some jeans.

Ugh. I am so confused at this whole situation that I can't even think correctly.

Jazmin's Point of View

That bath really helped. It calmed me and it made me drift away from my thoughts for a while.

You're probably thinking right now, why did she over react about some jeans that don't fit her?

Well, the thing is I am very insecure about my looks and especially my weight. I was never the skinniest girl, I was always bullied because I was "fat." The bullying has stopped, but I'm scared they'll do it again. I've done a lot of exercise but I'm not at the point where I am happy with my body.

One day, two years ago, they called me so many mean names. I was at the point where I almost did self harm in my own bathroom. I couldn't do it because 1. I was scared, and 2. Joel really needed to use the bathroom. He nearly peed on himself.

Anyway, I am really happy I met Alya that year. We got really close and even told her about almost doing it. She was surprised that a "happy" girl like me would ever do that. To be completely honest, I am not as happy as you think I am.

Late at night, I remember all the mean words I've been called and I start crying again.

I'm also glad that I met Jesus. He's like a big brother to me. Yeah, I know Joel is my big brother but it's not the same. Joel doesn't know about insecurities. He doesn't know that I cry late at night. Jesus does. I trust Jesus with anything, and everything.

I just hope nothing weird goes in between us for what happened today. I'm scared of what he will say to me when I see him on Monday...

-

GUYYSS I AM SO SO SO SO SORRY THAT I UPDATED LATE. I went back to school last Monday and I was too busy to update. But I hope that you liked this chapter. And i'll try to update as soon as possible.

- jazmin💕