afraid to love [j.u.]

17. first time

jazmin's point of view

"why do you think alya left?" i asked jesus as soon as alya left.

"i don't know.." he trailed off. it seemed like he was thinking. "do you think something happened between her and joel?" he spoke up.

"who knows. we can only ask joel."

"then you should just ask him"

"i'll think about it," i said.

but what really happened between alya and joel? she seemed... nervous. i know alya well enough and she wouldn't just leave my house, just like that! im not sure if i should ask joel or not. or even ask alya. or both. ugh! this is stressing me out! do you think they had... that? i questioned myself. she was there an awful lot of ti-

"hello? are you even listening to me?" jesus whined.

"i'm sorry!" i ran my hands through my hair, "i was just thinking! i don't know what to do!" i said as tear formed in my eyes.

when i'm stressed, i cry. i don't know why but it's just a thing i have done my whole life. i know it's not okay to be stressed over the littlest things, but i can't help it!

"hey, hey, hey," jesus said as he got closer, "what's wrong?"

i didn't say anything. i just let the tears slip from my eyes. i felt bad for jesus. he's always the one to wipe my tears. sometimes i wonder if he will ever get tired of me, that's what i'm afraid of. i took his hands of my cheeks and said, "stop."

"stop what?" he asked.

"you don't have to do this," i croaked.

"do what, jazmin?"

"be there for me, seeing me like.. like this! you don't have to keep wiping my tears you don't have to ke-" he cut me off.

"no jazmin, i want to. i'm doing this because i want to, i love you, jazmin."

i looked down. i didn't know what to say. what was i suppose to say? then, i felt his hand on my chin. he made me look at him.

"i'm going to leave now, so you can talk to joel about what happened, okay?"

"okay," i said softly.

i watched him leave. i grabbed a pillow from the couch, stuffed my face in it, and screamed. i needed to let it all out. of course, joel came downstairs basically flying and asked me if i'm okay.

"of course i'm okay you loser i just needed to let it all out" i said standing up.

"hey, are you okay?" he asked suddenly.

"why wouldn't i be?"

"your eyes, they looked puffy." he said pointing at my face.

"ughhh!" i groaned, "fine! fine! i was crying! but that's because i'm stressed!"

"why?"

"i want to know what happened between you and alya, right now," i said sternly. i don't know how i asked him so serious. i am actually proud of myself!

"n-nothing" joel stuttered.

"tell me, right now!" i said as i scrunched up the collar of his shirt.

"it's weird to talk about it. but i swear, i swear on MY LIFE we didn't do anything bad." he stated.

i let go of his collar, "what about that promise we made about trusting each other?"

oooo i really got him here. i just know it!

"i-i.. it's just weird to talk about i swear. i don't even think you'll understand."

"just try me, please?" i said pouting my bottom my lip giving him puppy eyes.

"fine," he rolled his eyes, "let's sit down."

we sat down facing each other. he took a deep breath and started to speak.

"before alya came to, i guess check up on me i was..." he trailed off.

"come on you can do this. just let it all out."

"i was... ugh i can't say it!" he said as he buried his head into his hands.

i looked around to see if anything would help me. finally, i saw a pillow and an idea came to my mind.

"here take this pillow and burry your face in it and say what you were doing and and see if i can understand."

"fine," he said as he said as he snatched the pillow from my hands.

"i was... jerking off"

"no way! NO WAY! no way!" i bursted out laughing.

"stopppp" he said whining.

"this.. is.. gold!!" i said through laughs.

after i finally, well sorta, calmed down, he continued.

"but it's kind of weird you know, i don't know why but i'm starting to feel some type of way towards... you know... alya. and i did it... while thinking about her."

"wait hold up you like alya? and what does this lead to what happened between you two?"

"um i think so an-"

i cut him off by screaming. "ahhhh! you like alya?? JOEL PIMENTEL HAS AN ACTUAL CRUSH!!!"

"stop, please"

"before you go on, are your intentions with her good? or bad? because if they're bad i will not let you put a FINGER on her, okay?"

"good. i swear."

"i hope you're not lying, anyway go on."

"i promise, so when she knocked on the door i sorta panicked and put on these ridiculously tight pants, which is not a good idea by the way, but i when i opened the door and saw it was her i'm like 'fuckkkk' so i guess we started talking to each other and getting to know each other better, and she got closer, and i swear, i swear i couldn't keep it in so i groaned and it got kind of awkward and then i she was about to leave and she gave me a hug and my dumbass self, of course, hugged her back even tighter."

"so that's why she left."

"yeah and thanks for listening."

"no problem, but what are you going to do about you liking alya?"

"nothing really i'm pretty sure she doesn't like me back." he said disappointed.

"i'll try figuring it out!"

"hey... can i tell you something?"

"sure anything, go ahead." i told him.

"grayson told me that he likes you," he scratched the back of his neck.

i froze. i didn't know what to do. this was the first time in my life, someone actually has a crush on me (except for jesus of course but that's different).

sup my dudes! i hope you liked this chapter although it was kind of weird for me but the don't forget to vote and comment for more! and i'm sorry if the title mislead you🤷🏻‍♀️😬

also, tysm for 800 reads!

jazmin🙂