afraid to love [j.u.]

27: afraid to love

two words. time jump. just go with it. i wanted to get to the point of the title of the story for you guys. here you go. also, thanks for sticking with me for so long. really appreciate it. :)

jazmin's point of view -

well, today marks two weeks of grayson and i being together. honestly, i'm really happy. things are really good with alya, and jesus, so that's even better. grayson told me he'll have a surprise for me later. i hope it's nothing too big. it's not that i'm not excited for it, but i don't really like the fact of someone getting out of their way to do something for me.

right now i'm in my third period class which is english. alya has math, and jesus has band. our teacher put on a movie from one of the stories we read in our english books. it's our 'treat' for being a good class. in reality she's gonna put this for every class. i'm not paying attention to the movie. i'm just doodling on a piece of lined paper.

i glanced at the clock. we have five minutes left. i noticed someone was at the door. it was jesus. he waved at me and i just smiled. the five minutes passed by and the bell rang. i grabbed my book and rushed out of the doors and the hallway was now filled with students. i walked to jesus and gave him a side hug.

"come to my locker with me?" i asked.

"yeah of course."

we started to walk to the other building where my locker was located. i clenched my book a little tighter than usual. we finally arrived at my locker. i handed my book to jesus so he can hold it and i can put my combination in. like always, i messed up so i started over.

"c-can i ask you a question?" jesus said.

"sure" i extended my arm and he handed me my textbook. i put my textbook on top of all the mess i had in there, and closed my locker. i turned around and i put my back against the lockers.

"a-are you- i mean d-do you l-love grayson?"

"well, i like him a lot but i don't know about love so i guess i'm not sure." i said quietly.

"why are you dating him?" he asked.

"because i like him.."

"didn't you like me? alya said you did."

"yes..." i whispered.

"we could've been a thing, jazmin. why didn't you let us be a thing?"

"i...i..." he cut me off. my heart is racing at this point.

"i have a question for you, jazmin." he said sternly.

"w-what is it?" i stuttered.

he looked at me with glossy eyes, "a-are you afraid to love me? are you afraid of us being together?"

a lump formed in my throat. it was all true. i was afraid. i don't even know why.

"answer me!" he said, tears now streaming down his face.

"ye-"

he grabbed my cheeks and kissed me. i kissed back. i can't do this. what am i doing? i have a boyfriend! before i can push him away, a voice that i did not want to hear spoke.

"j-jazmin?"

it was grayson. i pushed jesus off of me and i walked up to grayson.

"g-grayson this is not what it l-looks like"

"so you weren't just kissing your so-called best friend?" his voice cracked.

"grayson i-"

"forget it, jazmin. i knew this was too good to be true." he muttered, and walked away.

tears ran down from my cheeks. i looked up to see if jesus was still there. he was sitting against some lockers with his knees to his chest. i couldn't talk to him now. why is he in pain?

- after school -

i walked home. i need to talk to someone about this. i don't know if i should tell joel. i mean, grayson is his best friend. and if i tell alya she's going to be mad at me because of jesus. why did i even say yes to grayson? i don't like him. i like jesus. my best friend. i was just so scared of ruining our friendship.

as i got closer to my house, my vision started to blur as tears formed in my eyes. i grabbed my keys and opened the door. my parents were in the living room. great. they're about to start questioning why i'm crying.

"mija what's wrong? porque estás llorando?"

i proceeded to walk towards the stairs. as i was about to take the first step, i felt a hand grip my wrist.

"ow! you're hurting me! leave me alone!" i yelled as more tears rushed down my cheeks.

i ran upstairs into joel's room. i slammed the door and began to slide down the door, sobbing. joel knelt down next to me and started rubbing my back. he didn't say anything. he must've heard me.

"what's wrong?" he asked.

"i'm what's wrong, joel. i'm so stupid."

"no you're not. what really happened?"

i sniffled, "i-i was at my locker and jesus k-kissed me and grayson saw."

"oh damn. did you try to explain, at least?"

"yes but he left after he said it was too good to be true."

"shit jazmin so what's gonna happen now?"

"i don't know... and i think i still have feelings for jesus."

summer is hereeeeeeee !!!