afraid to love [j.u.]

13. two weeks

Jesus' Point of View

it's been two weeks. it's been two weeks since i've locked lips with jazmin, and it's been two weeks since we've spoke to each other. it's also been two weeks that alya spoke to jazmin too. i guess she's on 'my side.' but it's not a fight. jazmin is just scared. i know her.

we still see each other in the halls, though. and in history, science, and math. sometimes we make eye contact, but when we do, she quickly looks away. she's also gotten close to adrian and jace. but jace is only doing it for me. it's not like i asked him to though, he made his own decision. i've also noticed that jazmin has gotten close to her brother, joel. sometimes she hangs out with his friends during lunch.

right now i'm in third period, band. we barely do anything here. the teacher lets us do whatever we want. sometimes i just sit in the back and avoid people from talking to me. sometimes i cry. i cry because i miss her. i miss all the times we hung out together, each and every conversation replays in my head. i can barely sleep at night because i'm always thinking about her. and sometimes i cry because i can't look after her. one time we had a conversation about self harm. she said she almost did it. i used to always 'secretly' check her wrists just in case. i used to grab her wrist and pulled her closer to me, in case she flinched, i would know.

the bell rung and everyone rushed out of the room. i used to be one of those people so i can meet up with jazmin at her english class. but now, there's no point.

Jazmin's Point of View

i've gotten really close to joel and his friends. i'm not gonna lie, but they're pretty cute. hot, actually. but they got a different personality than jesus. i always find my self comparing joel's friends with jesus. none of them are like him. one of them always stares at me, and when i catch him, he smiles. to be honest, it's kind of weird. joel doesn't seem to notice though.

i have to admit i miss jesus. a lot. but i'm scared, and i have a feeling i'm the one who destroyed our friendship. i'm the one who made him leave. i'm the one who's avoiding jesus. even alya hasn't talked to me ever since. but it's been two weeks! i'm pretty sure it's too late to fix anything now.

its pretty awkward between jesus and i now. we make a lot of eye contact in science. when we do i always look away. i look away because i'm scared. i don't know why but i am. i can't believe i'm saying this, but i miss him, and not just him.. his lips. that day i felt different. i don't know how to explain it. there was like this type of spark in between us. gosh, i sound like those people in the movies.

anyways, it's lunch time. the most depressing part of my day. why? because jesus and i used to alway hang out and talk to each other along with alya. right now i'm walking with joel to the cafeteria.

"jazmin are you going to eat? because i am." he asked.

"no." i murmured.

"why not? you never eat, jazmin."

"well i'm never hungry, gosh," i said.

"jazmin please, eat, for me, yeah?"

i looked at him and he look worried.

"fine, i guess."

we walked into the cafeteria and got into line. we both got a burger with fries. joel stuffed his plate with a salad and fruit while i just left my plate how it is. we punched our number in, and we went outside to look for a table. we found one where his friends were already there with their food.

when we sat down i just stared at my food. i smiled to myself because i remembered the day jesus and i went to mcdonald's and he stuffed that mc chicken in my mouth. my thoughts were interrupted by someone. it was that guy that always stares at me. grayson, i think that's his name.

"why aren't you eating your food?" he asked.

"i'm not that hungry. and joel kind of forced me to get food." i murmured. i haven't gotten that used to his friends. i'm still shy with them. it takes a while for me to get comfortable with someone.

"oh.. okay." he trailed off.

my eyes wondered around. until they met jesus's. i quickly looked away, and stared back at my food.

"jazmin, please eat." joel said.

"i'm not hungry." i croaked. there was this lump in my throat. for some reason i wanted to cry. but i can't cry in front of the guys. they'll think i'm weird or something. i want them to like me.

"i'm going to the restroom."

i got up from the table and headed to the nearest restroom. once i got there i started to cry. i slid down the wall and pulled my knees to my chest. i heard familiar voices from outside. it was jesus and alya. the door opened.

"jazmin?"

oh no. it was alya. i looked up and wiped my eyes with my sleeve.

"what are you doing here?" she asked.

"i- um i have to go..." i stuttered.

"no jazmin, wait."

i turned around and she looked at me with sincere in her eyes.

"i've been talking with jesus and... we miss you, jazmin! we spend our time talking about you all the time and... we just miss you."

"i-i m-miss you guys t-too b-but wouldn't it be awkward?"

"i don't know."

"i'm sorry, i can't hang out with you guys."

"why not? it was just a kiss! please, jazmin."

"n-no i-i'm sorry, but no."

"why don't we just start by texting yeah? just you and me? please?"

"let's give it a shot, but i have to go."

"deal!" her eyes lit up with excitement and she went into a stall to do her business.

when i opened the door, jesus was outside, waiting. we looked at each other. before he opened his mouth to say anything, i left.

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