Broken and gone// Chris Schistad (book 2)

Chapter 8

"So, party tomorrow." Vilde says sitting on Amelia's couch.

"Yeah I'm excited." Amelia smiles sitting down with her.

"What will you wear?" Noora asks. "For Chris." She smirks. Amelia growls at the girl.

"I wear nothing for him." Amelia says. "Only to provoke him, and anyone else for that matter." She says dignified.

"Okay then, bathroom?" Noora stands setting down what she was drinking.

"Down the hall." Amelia smiles.

"So what will you wear?" Vilde asks excitedly. She had always been a fan of Amelia's style.

"Well I think I'll wear something I little subdued." Amelia says and Vilde nods. "But still sexy. Like sexy without revealing everything." Amelia says.

"Smart." Vilde takes a sip of her drink nodding.

"Where's Noora?" Amelia says after a while. She hadn't come back from the bathroom yet. "I'll be right back." Amelia says getting up. She walks through the house and turns down the hall. She stops in shock in front of a doorframe.

"Amelia! I'm sorry I just found it and-"

"Amelia! I didn't want to be alone-"

Noora gets cut off by Vilde and Vilde goes silent at the sight of the room. The nursery.

"Amelia I'm sorry." Noora says dropping a stuffed animal. Amelia is frozen in the room. She gulps and picks up the stuffed animal Noora dropped and places it perfectly back where it was.

"Miss Mohn?" The nurse calls Amelia. Amelia stands. She had been waiting hours as they operated on her baby. Little Lise. She needed to know she was okay.

"Miss Mohn please come with me." The nurse has a grim look on her face, a look Amelia would never be able to get out of her head. She was young but she felt old then, she had given birth just two days ago, a month early.

Her stomach turned as she neared a patient room and was ushered in with the doctor.

"Amelia..." she said. Amelia's eyes were already welling. "During Lises surgery, she stopped breathing, im so sorry Amelia, but Lise is gone." Amelia brings her hand to her mouth to quiet her sobs. "I'll give you a moment." The doctor stands and leaves, shutting the door behind her.

Amelia could not stop crying. She felt as though a piece of her were missing. Like someone had ripped out half of her heart. She felt it was her fault. That God was punishing her for not wanting Lise in the first place. But Amelia had grown to like the baby, her baby. When she was pregnant she loved her and waited for her everyday. When she held her in her arms she felt an overwhelming love like she had never felt before. Unconditional love. And she was ready to feel that for the rest of her life.

But life is cruel. And the love was taken.

"Amelia?" Noora touches her shoulder making her jump.

"Yeah?" She says wiping the single tear that fell from her face.

"We're sorry." Vilde says touching her other shoulder. Amelia laughs lightly.

"It's not like it's any of your faults."

"We know, we just feel bad." Noora says and Amelia nods. She took a deep breath and looked around.

"I don't know why it's still up." She admits. "It's been a year, I don't know why I can't just pack it up." Amelia says.

"Because it hurts." Noora says.

"It's not really a pain. It's a longing. A sadness. A loss. She was there and then she wasn't. I found myself thinking about being a mother, what kind I could be. I mean, I could've been a mother, and I would've been happy. I hadn't been happy for a long time, until I held her in my arms." Amelia smiles running her arms along the crib.

"For some stupid reason I thought of Chris raising her with me." She laughs holding back tears. "That I would tell him about her, even though I said I wouldn't, and he would come back. He would come back and he would be an amazing father. The best father. When I had her I had hope." Amelia walks over to the empty picture frames and the little blankets. She picks one up and sniffs it. "My mom used to say that when you hold your child you can see exactly who they are. She said she saw greatness for me. And I thought the same for Lise. In a weird way I wanted to be a better mom than mine."

"The loss of a child, is unbearable. She had so much more life to her." Amelia sits in the rocking chair and Vilde and Noora walk over. "I could see it, ya know, in her eyes. I could tell she would be nothing like me." Amelia laughs. "She was going to be full of light and goodness. She would get straight A's and maybe believe in god and go to church. Lise was going to be the kind of girl that could brighten your day with a smile. The kind who loved her parents unconditionally. And I saw all of that in her. And when it all gets taken away. You feel defeated." Amelia says.

"I don't think I'll ever be over Lise's death." Amelia admits. She nods to herself as if reassuring it. "I don't have to think about it all the time of course but when you love someone so much, they can't leave your mind, they can't leave your heart. And she'll always be there." Amelia smiles and wipes away some tears.

"I think I'm ready to clear the nursery."

Noora and Vilde look at Amelia and smile helping her up. For the next three hours they clean out the room. When they're done it looks bare and anew. Amelia sighs looking at it. This didn't mean that Lise wasn't with her, it just meant Amelia was growing. She knew her baby girl, though only two days old, would have wanted her to live her life no matter what. Because that's who she was.

"Not that." Amelia grabs a little blue dog stuffed animal from Vildes hands. "I'll keep this." Amelia hugs it to her shoulder. A token of her baby. A small, yet so powerful thing. Amelia smiles at the room and at her friends.

"Mamma loves you Lise."

This was a very sentimental chapter. You guys probably wanted a Chris and Amelia sexual tension scene or whatever and trust me I have those but this needed to happen.

It shows how Amelia's grown up. It shows that she really loved her baby and that it's not an afterthought. This scene gave her somewhat closure. And I'm happy for that.

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