Where I belong.

Part 26 - Guilt

The office wasn't the same. It didn't feel the same. I knew what was going on and I couldn't deny it.
John walked into the office.
"Good morning." He greeted.
"Hey." I said.
"Sleep well?"
"Yeah. You?"
"Could have slept better."
"What's up."
"I needed you in that bed."
My face flushed.
"It was cold without you. I miss the night when you asked me to stay with you in the room." he continued.
"It has...passed, John. The past is over now. I'm engaged about to be married. I can't just...I can't..." I sighed.

I walked out of the room. I needed the restroom. Was I falling for John? Why was I crying infront of the mirror of the restroom? What have I done?
Chantel walked in to almost catch me crying. I quickly pat the tears off with my finger tips.

"Chantel, you scared me there."
"Gwen? Are you okay"
"Yes. I choked. Don't mind the red eyes. I'm alright."
"Oh you had me worried for a sec there. So how are the wedding arrangements coming along?"' she asked as she went into the toilet.
"Uhm...fine, just fine. Busy busy." I lied.

How were my wedding arrangements though? My fiancé was more busy with them than I was. I was beginning to feel terrible.

"Chantel, I'm leaving the room. See you." I walked out of the restroom. I saw the door to the boardroom open so I decided to peep to see what was going on. I found myself lost in the view of the city from where I stood.I stood at the window and just looked out.

I felt someone grab my waist and bring me closer to their body.

"Shhh. Don't say a word." There was a whisper.

I knew who it was. That expensive cologne gave it away.

"I'm tired of playing hide and seek with you. I want you in my life. I want you to be my girl."
"I...I can't John. I just can't." I said slowly.
"You don't have to marry him. You are better off with me. I can make your dreams come. Baby be mine."
"You can't buy me."
"I'm not buying you. I love you."
"I love you too." I said subconsciously with my eyes closed.

He stopped caressing me and that's when I realized what I had said.

I turned to look at him.
"John. It can't happen."
"It can. Just leave him."
"John..."

Our faces were coming closer when there was an interruption.

"Am I interrupting anything?"
It was Bandz.

"Oh hey baby, no not at all." I looked guilty.
"I brought you lunch."
"Thank you so much uhm...I will see you tonight." I kissed him and went back to the office.

I couldn't face him. Had he seen what was going on? Had he picked it up?
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It had been a month since John and I started seeing each other behind my fiancé's back. My wedding was in a week. It broke me to see Bandz go through so much effort just for me. It broke me apart badly everyday. He was spending money we didn't have on my dress,cake and everything I wanted on my wish list.

John and I were on a lunch date. I had become used to them.

"Gwen?"
"Yes?" I smiled at him.
"I've been thinking."
"Of."
"Something."
"What is that something?"
"Gwen...I can't do this any longer."
"Do what?"
"You being my secret girlfriend. I can't. It's unlike me."
"You're such a pig. I heard you're a player suddenly when it turns on you, you don't know how to handle it? Wow. Take me back to the off---"
"Whoa whoa wait...let me explain pretty young thang."

He went down on one knee and I felt my heart sit on my throat.

"John..." I panicked.

Everyone around us started looking.

"I know you're already engaged but I won't let this moment slip by. Gwendolyn Palmer. Will you marry me?"

I was stunned. What was I supposed to say?