Where I belong.

Part 27 - Guilt 2

It was bittersweet. I have feelings for John and I want to be his wife but I still am in love with my first love. Tonight when I get home from yet another "meeting." I have to break it off with Bandz.

It was another rainy night.  John and I were sitting in the car outside my house.

"You ready?"
I nodded with tears in my eyes.
"Gwen. Please understand it will all be worth it. I'd go to the ends of the world for you. Nobody has ever made me feel like this."
"John. What I feel for you is undeniable. How to break another heart is what's hurting me. He's loved me for so long."

John held me close and kissed my lips.

"I'll see you tomorrow, John."
"Should I pick you up?"
"I will let you know what happened."
"Call me if he does anything to hurt you."
I nodded.

I closed the car door and he let down his window.
"Gwen?"
I turned to look at him.
"I love you."
"I love you too." I sobbed some more with the raining soaking me wet.

I slowly walked to the door. He was waiting for me to enter. I turned back slowly to look at him and when I looked to the side, grandmama was staring outside the window. She saw everything that had happened.
I cried some more realizing how many people I was about to hurt. I walked into the house,closed the door and went straight to bed.
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It was now 5 days until the wedding and the secret was becoming more difficult to keep.

It was time to knock off from the office but Bandz wasn't outside waiting for me as usual.

"He didn't come?" John asked.
"No, and it's getting pretty late." I kept looking out for his van.
"Come, how's about I take you."
"John...I haven't told him."
"I understand why but your wedding is in 5 days and it will ruin me."

I saw pain in his eyes. How did I get here? How did I get engaged to two men at the same time?

We drove to my house.  When we arrived there was something cold about it. Something I couldn't quite put my finger on.

"John...baby.  Wait out here for me. I have a feeling something isn't right here."
"You want me to come with you rather?"
"No. I'm okay. Just wait here."

I stepped out of the car. I opened the door to my house which was half open.

"Grandmama? Bandz?" I gently called out.

There was no response so I slowly walked to grandma's room.
I walked into grandma's room and she was fast asleep so I closed her door and went to go look for Bandz.

"Bandz? Honey? I'm home."
I walked into the bedroom to find him sitting on the bed looking quite angry.

"Honey, you guys left the door open. Had me scared there. Are you alright?"
I leaned over to kiss him and he blocked my kiss.
"Bandz?"

I noticed my other engagement ring wasn't on my right finger.  So I searched for it with my eyes around the bedroom. I walked to my side of the bed looking for it with my eyes.

"How was your day honey? You forgot to pick me up today." I said.
Still no response.  After some time Bandz said something.
"My day was fine ,Gwendolyn. How was yours."
"The usual."
"Looking for something, Gwen?"
"No, what do you mean?"

He held up my other engagement ring and that's when I knew I was in for it.