Yin & Yang

Chapter 27: Lost (Lilith)

I paced nervously back and forth, if Momma were here she would have thought I was going to wear a hole in the floor. My head was bent down in shame, I had caused this. I was the reason that my brother wasn't home. I was the reason he wasn't going to come home. What kind of person lies about someone's death? Apparently I did.

"Cam, we should go and try to find him." I said still walking back and forth in a straight line.

"Lilith I don't think that's a good idea. You know that if he doesn't want to be found, no one is going to be able to find him. You remember what would happen when he was younger." Cam said grabbing my hand.

I stopped pacing long enough for him to stare deep within my eyes. "Yeah I remember. He would run away for days and not be found. He only ever came back when he wanted to. Dad would get so mad at mom for it, although it was never her fault."

My dad was such an asshole to my mom. He was always drunk, and it seemed like he always had it out for Momma. If I didn't know better, I would'a thought she'd been the one to kill him. He would always put his hands on her when he was angry. Especially when Gabe ran off, he always blamed her when he should have been blaming himself. I was always too scared to leave, too scared of what would happen when I came back.

I felt my breath begin to come fast. My heart felt like it was going to pound itself right out of my chest. My vision to get blurry as the hyperventilation got worse. I could feel sweat start to drip down my face and onto the floor.

"Lilith, Lil, listen to my voice. You're having another panic attack. It's okay, just listen to the sound of my voice." Cam gripped me by both my arms.

I felt my body begin to go limp as my breathing began to get more and more shallow. It felt like there was a hand gripping both of my lungs, not letting them expand big enough to let any air in. My stomach clenched, I felt the hot vomit making its way up my esophagus. I swallowed rapidly trying to choke it back.

"Move," I barely got out before the wretched bile began to spray from my mouth. I began to cry at the sight of the vomit that covered the floor. I began to become hysterical, screaming as tears ran down my face. My body shook uncontrollably, this was the worst panic attack I've had in a long time. I felt myself falling.

"Shit, shit I got you. It's ok, go ahead cry. Let it out Lilith." Cam said patting my hair.

"I'm so sorry," I cried out.

"It's okay, not my floor." Cam laughed. "Sorry I know it's not really funny."

I was shivering in his arms, praying for this panic attack to finally end. Eventually I felt my body begin to loosen up, and slowly but surely my breathing began to return back to normal. My tears still hadn't dried up, instead they flowed freely down my cheeks and onto the tiles.

"Alright miss Lilith let's get you into bed." Cam slipped his arms underneath me and lifted me up.

We made our way up the stairs, my body held close against his which seemed to still be warm. He didn't even look like he was straining as he carried me. When we got to my door he used one of his hands to turn the door handle to my room.

Cam lifted me up onto my bed and covered me up with one of my many blankets. He kissed me on the forehead before turning away.

"Stay here. I'll take care of the mess downstairs."