Heart and Heroics ›› Peter Parker [1] #Wattys2017

20- The Qualification Protocol

A/N: Agents Koenig and Koenig are played by Patton Oswalt. Plus direct references to AoS.


I've been told that I'm qualified to be a Level 7 S.H.I.E.L.D agent. I don't feel like it.
I certainly don't feel like the celebrity that people think I am. Why do I say this? Well, when you're 'saving the day' in Queens, chances are you're going to meet some fans. But not quite the fans you think you'll meet.

I dodge and roll across the pavement, and land in a crouched position. I rise to my feet, with my enhanced reflexes. I aim a small quantity of energy at the hostile.
I adjust my black vibranium, woven, fingerless glove. "That'll teach you to not hurt people." I growl at the thief.

The last person that'd I would ever expect to show up, was not Spider-Man, or an Avenger, or my SO, Quake. Instead I got an acquaintance of two S.H.I.E.L.D agents, that I have only seen once. When I mean only once, I mean it was more of a drive-by, and I only had time to read off their name tags.

"Wow, its Intensity," one of them said. They were obviously fans, and also people that I've heard mentioned by Coulson. Yes, I know Agent Phil Coulson. They're Agents Billy and Sam Koenig.

"I'm sorry. We're big fans," Billy or Sam says. They're identical.

"You guys are the Koenigs, right?" I ask, looking them over.
The brothers look like they're going to die of a geeking out moment.

"Oh my God. Intensity knows who we are!" One exclaims.

"Uh, yeah. Quake and Coulson told me about you guys." I've never encountered fans in my mask and suit.

"I'm Sam, that's Billy," Sam introduces him and his brother.

"Question," Billy says, going into motor-mouth mode. "Why do you wear a mask when everyone else doesn't?"

"I like to keep my identity a secret. And since you two are agents of S.H.I.E.L.D, can't you just look into my file, and know who I am?"

The Koenigs exchange a glance. "We didn't want to appear creepy. Being nerds and fanboys," Sam said.

"You have nothing to be worried about," I grin. "I'm actually a nerd myself."

"Really?" Billy questions. "We thought of you as the athletic type. With your comic book and all--"

"There's a comic book?" I have no idea how come I've never seen it before. I always take trips to the comic book store, until recent events disrupted my weekly trip.

"Yeah, its got you and Spider-Man on it," Sam says. "Plus there are fanfictions."

I stiffen a little, "fanfictions? What..?"

"Like people ship you with Captain America, the Winter Soldier, Thor, and Ironman." Billy explains.

"Ironman? Oh God, I'm gonna throw up," I mutter, trying hard not to gag. Pairing me up with Tony, is like pairing up a rabbit with a bear.

"And also Spider-Man," Sam adds, "which I think gets the most views."

"You guys write these?" I attempt to keep my mind from wandering into me and Peter as 'a thing'.

"No, no, only the perverts and fangirl shippers. You get the idea. They're weird. Not that we read those on a daily basis," Billy coughs. Which I'm sure is fake.

"We're sorry," Sam apologizes. "We're taking up your time."

"No, its okay. I'm quite alright with talking to you both."

"Really? Because I could never tell whether Quake enjoyed the fan chat," Billy looks at Sam. "We knew her as Skye, before she became a superhero. She didn't seem to like the idea of her and Black Widow being shipped when we last talked to her."

"I can imagine why," I say under my breath. "Probably because its creepy."

"Well, we better get going," Sam says. "Or else General Talbot will have our heads."

"Talbot? The strange guy, who causes problems for Coulson?" I narrow my eyes at his name.

"I'd just call him odd. He's not a strange as Doctor Strange," Billy suggests. Him and Sam high-five, as if accomplishing an achievement.

"I've met the Doctor before, he's not as he sounds."

"Wow," the identical brothers said in unison.
"Can I just say you're awesome," Sam compliments.

"Thanks, but--" I pause as a voice comes in on my coms.
"Miss Justice," Tony's AI, Friday replies. "Boss requests to speak with you."

"Tony's taking requests now?" I raise an eyebrow from behind my mask.

"Tony? As in, Tony Stark?" Billy asks in excitement.

"Put him on please," I say.
"Here he is," Friday responds in her Irish accent.
Tony's voice echoes in my ear, "is this thing on?"
"I'm dealing with fans, right now, Tony."

"She's talking about us," Billy tells Sam, not able to contain his excitement.

"I deal with squealing fangirls too," Tony remarks.
"They're not girls," I hiss quietly, so only he can hear.
"Oh... My bad. Okay. Here's the deal, look up, to your right. There's someone who you should see."

I skim my eyes around my surroundings, and spot a familiar red and blue suit. "You finally fixed it, at long last."
"I told you I was."

"You told him to meet me here. Or what? Are you coming to my location too?"

"Ah, no. I've got a meeting with some UN officials. You and Peter are going to scout out some criminals."

"Not Vulture I'm guessing."

"You can try. But I rather you stay in one piece."

"Sure. I can try that too. I'm flexible that way."

"Just wanted you to know, before you come banging on my door again."

"Right, because that was so bad," I grumble sarcastically.

"Think of this as a test," Tony says, ignoring my reply. "Or a protocol. Whatever floats your boat."

"Does this need qualification or anything?"

"What do you think?"

"No. I'm guessing... Someone's got to hunt down the villains. I'm going with Spidey."

"Ugh. Fine. You can try to find them again. The Tinkerer, Vulture, and Shocker."

"This is why you called me up? To have a slight disagreement, and about the Spider suit?"
I hear the Koenigs chattering back and forth. I almost entirely forgot they were there.

"Nope. I have someone you need to formally meet, but that can wait until later."

"Uh, okay." I stop, as a thump comes from behind. The Koenigs' talking becomes even more excited, and I immediately knew who came. "Your trainee just landed."

"Hey 'Tense. The suit came out great, right?" Peter asks cheerfully.

I smile, "yeah it did."

"Thank you for the compliment," Tony replies from my coms.

"I was agreeing with-- Never mind. We have to get going," I was addressing both Tony and Peter, plus partially the Koenigs.

"Spider-Man, it is such an honor to meet you," Sam says.
"Totally," Billy adds, "you are amazing!"

"Wow. Thank you so much," Peter said. He is most likely breaming under his mask.

"Lets not get sidetracked," I murmur to Peter.

"You are so serious. Fun ruiner," he teases me.

"I do not," I playfully shove him.

"Race you to the Brooklyn Bridge," Spider-Man says.

"Just like the fanfictions," Sam whispers to Billy.
I ignore them for the moment.

"You're on Spidey," I laugh. "Bye Koenigs."

I leap into the air, and Peter follows close behind me.
"You got a head start," the web-slinger protests with amusement.

"I just thought you were a few seconds late," I smirk. A web snags my foot, and whips me out of the way. I regain my balance in midair. "Cheater."

Peter looks over his shoulder at me, while swinging. "I'll take a second on that."
"You are second," I fly by him.
"Nope. You-- Uh oh."

"What? Then I spot the problem. "That car..."
A car is falling off the Brooklyn Bridge.
I rocket through the cool air, and catch the vehicle by the bumper.

I grip the metallic front bumper, and pull back. My muscles strain against the weight of the car, plus the people inside.
My black leather boots, made with adamantium, drag along the ground, and leaves sparks from its friction.
"Okay...I...got this...I got...this." Forcing myself to muster up my confidence to save these civilians.

I hear a loud beeping noise, and I can see a tanker truck coming at me.
Its not just this accident, there's a whole other one waiting to happen.
Then Spider-Man jumps into the trucks path, and blocks it from hitting me and the car full of people. The sounds of brakes screech in my ears, and I can smell burning tires.
I keep all my focus on the car, and dig in my heels. I have no time to pay attention to what Peter's doing.

My fingertips are raw, and everything burns from pain. I haven't handled this much weight before, and I think I've pulled several muscles. Then the worst sounds comes from the bumper, and it gives way. "No!"

I dive quickly underneath the car, and hold it up. The sudden weight above my head, is horrible. I struggle to push the car back up. My limbs tremble, and beads of sweat form on my neck.
But I'm not going to let these people fall to their deaths.
I yell out with effort, as use what little strength I have left. I rise, and at one point, I think tears might've come to my eyes, from the strain, but I safely place the car in the road again.
I collapse into a heap on the pavement. Not caring on whether my hands are bloody or not.

I stay there for a few moments, and then slowly stand up, shakily. Peter comes up to me, and nods.
"You did it," he says.
"I'm never going to walk again," I sigh, and lean on him a little.
"That makes both of us. I think I tore something, when stopping that tanker."

People around us cheer. Its one of the perks of being a hero.


                              🕷🕷🕷
Peter and I walk through the halls of our school.
Kids can't stop talking about us saving those people on the bridge. They don't know its us though.
"Spider-Man and Intensity are a dynamic duo!" One student shout, above the chaos of everyone else.

Peter and I smile at each other. They will definetly never guess that we're them.
"You did a great job saving those people," he comments to me.
"You were the one who stopped that truck from hitting us," I point out.
"But you lifted that car out of danger."
"I didn't even know I could do that. I usually can't carry anything over four hundred pounds. That was at least one thousand."
"Maybe your powers are getting stronger."
"No they're not."
"You never know with you," Peter answers with a glint in his eyes.

We continue down the hall. I change the subject, "Tony said he wanted me to formally meet someone. I wonder who it is."
Peter doesn't respond immediately, "...another superhero?"
"Possibly... We have to find Vulture again. You up for it?"
"Always," Peter gazes at me.








Author's Note: Wow. This is super short. But action packed in some way.

I suppose I need to tell you about the Koenigs, and why I added them it. The Koenigs are a pair of comic relief characters, like Spider-Man. The actor who plays them on Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D, Patton Oswalt, like I mentioned before; plus is a nerd. Sorry, but its obvious. (Its okay, I am too.) The point is, he's a comedian, so its only fair to lighten this dark stuff up with some weirdness that is the fandom of superheroes, meaning the Koenigs.
Also true, some people in the fandoms are weird. (Again, sorry)

With that said. Since there is only one trailer of Spider-Man Homecoming out, right now, at this moment, of 4 March 2017, that means I am limited to actually writing about the movie. So, until the grand finale, I am improvising for the most part. Kind of.

Okay, hope you enjoyed it. Vote if you liked this part. Byeeeeeeeeeee!
                               ~SHIELD-Avenger