Life is hard 😘

Trying to move on...

As his hands reached to undo her trousers, she felt her breathe catch in throat. She shook her head and stepped backwards,

"I'm sorry... I can't do this..." She uttered, grabbing her shoes from the floor. She ignored the way he said her name, ignoring his question of what was wrong.

She entered the lift and leaned back against the cold wall, surprised as Jacob entered with a woman she was sure she had seen him with before.

She slipped on her shoes before looking up at him, "I need to go,"

"Connie," he uttered and she nodded, before slipping past him and running down the long corridor not really sure of where she was heading.

"I have to go after her... I'm sorry... We can do this another night?" He asked and the woman sighed,

"It's not every night work gives me a free hotel room..."

"I'm sorry," he admitted, before jogging in the direction he was sure Connie had headed in.

He saw her sat in the corner of the hotel kitchen, her knees flexed to her chest, her arms around them.

"Connie,"

"I can't escape you can I?" She replied and he shrugged. He started rummaging around in the cupboards and nodded as he found a bottle of red. He poured them both a glass and moved so he sat beside her. He placed his hand around her shoulders, glad as she cuddled into him.

"Are you okay? Not hurt or anything?" He asked kindly and she shook her head. He stood up and held out his hand, "come on, I'm taking you to the services... you can talk to me as much or as little you like over a cup of tea,"

He wasn't used to her so quiet, she looked out of the window of the car, watching the traffic that sped past.

He took her hand, leading her into the coffee shop and before she knew it she was curled up with her feet on the sofa, listening to his slow, rhythmic heart beat. His hand ran through her hair and she cuddled into him,

"I just wanted to feel something again," she admitted, "I suppose I just wanted to feel wanted and attractive but when it came to it... He wasn't Sam... Hell he wasn't Paul... He wasn't my husband or my best friend and I couldn't do it..."

"What's happening to me Jacob, I was about to have sex in a hotel room with a complete stranger..."

"That doesn't make you a bad person Connie,"

"I've got two beautiful girls... I shouldn't be behaving like this,"

"Sometimes sex with a stranger is what you need," he told her gently, "but a lot of the time it's not.."

"I've ruined your evening... I'm sorry," she told him,

"You don't need to be sorry," he told her, "you've got me out of numerous scrapes at work," he smiled, "and besides, I was planning on breaking up with Emma tonight... Maybe she'll end it instead."

She exhaled, before placing her hand on his chest, "Id like to show you somewhere," she told him, "but I may need a change of clothes first,"

He smiled, "I have a clean pair of joggers and a jumper in the car... And a pair of Emma's trainers,"

She rolled her eyes, "come on then."

"This is my favourite place in Holby," she admitted, "it's the only place that I didn't go with Sam... I can come up here and have memories that don't involve him... Does that make me terrible?"

He shook his head, "no... Somewhere that allows your to get some headspace is just what you need,"

He realised that she'd fallen asleep against his chest and he lifted her carefully, laying her across the back seat and strapping her in. He managed to get her back to hers and into her bed without waking her. He sat on the side of the bed, running his hands gently through her dark hair,

"I wish you'd call me when you felt like this," he told her and he sighed, watching as her eyes opened.

"Sorry... I almost got you up here without waking you," he smiled.

"Will you join me in here?" She asked, and he ran his hands through her hair, "shall we go into the spare room?" He asked, knowing that no one apart from the girls had been in this bed with her since Sam died.

"No," she told him, "this bed is more comfortable and you know this isn't for anything more than a cuddle,"

"And a good nights sleep," he smiled against her hair,

"I'm so glad I have you Jacob," she yawned and he smiled, watching as she fell asleep slowly.