Life is hard 😘

Memories hurt

They had all been busy recently. Connie and Grace had been taken Toggle to puppy training classes and Connie liked how her eldest daughter had taken on the responsibility easily. The dog had been a welcomed addition to the family and had taken a liking to Hollie. She often found her sleeping at the end of her daughters bed and she found she never had the heart to move either of them. Connie had started running again, and found it was a good way for the dog to expel some energy after she spent the day waiting for them to finish work and school.

Jacob watched her for a moment, before he waved at her as he saw her jogging around the lake, Tog running close by.

She smiled, adjusting her shorts as she jogged over to him,

"The girls decided that they weren't going to change from Toggle... Tog for short..." She uttered, "there was no changing their minds,"

"Stubborn like someone else I know," he winked and she rolled her eyes,

"Hi... I'm Connie... You must be Lucia," Connie smiled, lifting the dog to stop her jumping up at Jacob, watching as he took the puppy out of her hands. He cuddled the dog gently, and Connie smiled as he placed her gently to the floor.

"We best get off," she smiled, "I'll see you at work this evening...

"Let's pray for a quiet night," he smiled, hugging her gently, before kissing her cheek,

She placed the dog back down, before continuing her run,

"That's Connie... The woman whose kids you look after sometimes?" Lucia uttered, raising an eyebrow,

"Yes..."

"You didn't mention she looked like that..."

Jacob raised an eyebrow, "you didn't ask..."

"And you've never..."

"She's my friend Lucia... I promised her late husband that I would watch out for her and the girls... And I won't go back on that, no matter how much I like someone."

She watched how he moved more

slowly than usual that evening, his hand gripping gently at his stomach for the third time.

She reached out for his hand and lead him into her office,

"Sit," she told him firmly, watching as he did as she asked, "lift your top..."

"Jacob... Have you looked at this today... It looks infected..."

He exhaled, "was in a rush this morning... No..."

"Stay there... I'll get some new dressings and some antibiotics," she told him and he didn't dare argue with her.

She appeared a few minutes later, "lay down for me," she told him, and he watched her as she washed and dressed his wound gently, her hands soft and gentle as she finished the dressing.

She put the packets in the bin and he beckoned her over, taking her hand and pulling her into him,

"Thank you," he smiled, running his hand gently through her hair,

"Please take those antibiotics," she told him,

"Don't worry... I'm not going anywhere," he told her quietly, "of course I'll take them."

She slipped her hand into his gently as he pressed his lips against her forehead,

"What's troubling you?" He asked her and she found the tears rolled down her cheeks and onto his still bare chest,

"Sweetcheeks?" He asked, and she shook her head,

"I'm being silly,"

"I can assure you you won't be,"

"I found this on my phone today," she told him, "it was taken the day before he died and he made me take a photograph of us as we had a picnic outside... I remember feeling so happy and so alive and so grateful that he was fighting the cancer and still with us..."

He nodded, his heart skipping slightly at how close she stood to him, her eyes glistening with tears,

"And now... Now I'm back to feeling like I did when he first died... I feel like I'm on a fairground ride and I can't get off... I feel like the whole world is spinning past me and I can make out the people, but I don't recognise their voices and I can't see their faces and I... It hurts Jacob... It hurts like I can't breathe and I..." She sighed, running her hand over her face, "I don't want to feel like this anymore... I just want to wake up happy... I got so used to waking up happy and I barely know what that's like anymore."

He ran his hands through her hair, his heart breaking for his usually so strong friend, "I have two beautiful daughters and I feel awful that at times I'm not happy... They're so wonderful, I'm an awful mother... Those girls should be enough,"

"Come here," he spoke quietly, pulling her into his chest as she sobbed and sobbed against him, "you are a great mum to those girls... They're lucky to have you... Don't you ever think otherwise,"

He ran his hand gently through her hair and watched as she closed her eyes. She still struggled to sleep, but often found that with his influence sleep came quicker than when she was alone. Charlie smiled gently at him,

"Jacob... It's quiet here... Take her home... Put the fire on and hold her whilst she sleeps... She's been struggling today," Charlie told her, "I wish I could take her pain away, but I can't Charlie... I would do anything to bring him back to her... Even if it was for only a few hours,"

Charlie nodded, "I know... I know..."