Life is hard 😘

Bittersweet

She sat down quietly in the third wedding dress shop.

"What's up?" Duffy asked, as Connie's best friend from university sat beside her.

"I want a dress that's different to what I wore when I married Sam..." She admitted, "I didn't think finding a dress would be so difficult."

Grace appeared with the shop assistant, a happy smile on Hollies face,

"Mum... We think this will look amazing..."

Connie stood up, "right, last one, then we're getting some food, I'm starving."

"Wow," they all uttered, almost simultaneously,

Connie looked at herself in the mirror and smiled. "Do you think he'll like it?"

"Come on mum... Jacobs seen you in a hoody and pyjamas and he still thinks you're beautiful," Hollie smiled and Grace nodded,

"He's going to love it mum,"

She exhaled, "and I'm not too old for a back this low?"

The shop assistant shook her head, "no... You look amazing."

Her phone rang at lunch and she took it outside of the busy restaurant,

"Hi muscles," she smiled fondly,

"Hi my favourite girl," he smiled, "just two hours of this shift left, I can't wait,"

"We've missed you this week," she admitted easily,

"I've missed you girls too... So tell me... Did you find the dress?"

"After three shops and multiple dresses I did..." She smiled, "I hope you like it,"

"You'd look smoking in a bin bag sweet cheeks,"

She laughed, "I can't wait to cuddle up to you this evening,"

"You're okay though aren't you? This is what you want?"

"You're what I want," she told him firmly, "I can't wait to become Mrs. Masters."

The following morning when the girls were still in bed, Connie lay on Jacobs chest, before she got up and wandered outside.

She loved him, more then anything, she was sure of that. She wanted to become his wife and she wanted to get married to him. But she couldn't stop the guilt that surfaced every now and again when she thought of Sam.

She pulled on one of Jacobs hoodies and drove to Sam's grave, scribbling Jacob a note.

"I'm sorry I haven't been here for a while," she told him quietly, "truth is, is it hurts when I do... I'm getting married to Jacob Sam... I bought my dress yesterday and I'm flooded with all the thoughts I had when I married you... I miss you,"

Her phone beeped and she saw a message from Jacob, "dropped the girls to school and the dogs are walked... Shall I come and sit with you?"

She replied and in only ten minutes before he had joined her, sitting beside her on the floor and wrapping his arm around her waist.

"I promise I'll look after them and love them forever Sam," he spoke quietly, "you don't have to worry about a thing."

Connie leaned into his chest, "would you mind if I kept his surname and had masters at the end?"

"Of course I wouldn't mind," he told her,

"I'd like to be Connie Strachan Masters... I won't double barrel it... Probably just use it as a middle name..."

He kissed her head, "that's more than fine with me,"

"Stupid isn't it?" She admitted, "that something like his keeping his name in mine makes me feel less guilty... I need you to know... You're not second best... You never will be..."

He took her hand and lead her to their cars. He pushed her hair behind her ears and kissed her firmly. She wrapped her arms around his neck and held herself against him,

"I hate the fact that every time I'm really happy, I feel guilty," she told him, her eyes meeting his, "you deserve more than this, I know you do,"

He kissed her again, "I have you, and those wonderful girls and our dogs," he smiled, "I understand that this isn't always easy for you,"

"And I hope that doesn't make you regret any of this,"

"I don't regret a thing," he told her and she kissed him in a way he was sure she had never kissed her before, "you're the most wonderful man, I'm so lucky and so in love with you," she told him and he kissed her forehead, 

"The fact you still miss Sam is normal, I know that, and it would never make me feel any differently about any of you."