I don't like my mind right now.
Stacking up problems that are so unnecessary
I wish that I could slow things down.
I wanna let go but there's something in the panic.
The rain platters on the roof. You sat in front of the window, watching the rain fall down on the city. You were depressed, and extremely angry. You were one that hated cheating. You swore you'd never do it. Up until it happened to you, recently.
You and your best friend, Brendon sat in his hotel room laughing, drinking, and reminiscing. "You know, there was a point in time where I thought about dating you." Brendon says, hiccuping. You laughed. "That's not true. Is it?" You slurred a little. He nodded. "You are amazing, and talented. And smart. I'd be lucky to be with you." He says as he inches his face towards yours. You stared into his half lidded brown eyes. In a blink of an eye, you two were under the covers in his bed, naked, skin touching skin.
And I drive myself crazy, thinking everything is about me
Yeah I drive myself crazy, 'cause I can't escape the gravity
I'm holding on, why is everything so heavy?
Holding on to so much more than I can carry.
You held your head in your hands. I'm crazy for even doing that! You think to yourself. You looked up at the wall. But it happened. And I can't ignore it. You stared out the window one more time. "I'm in love with him." You muttered to yourself.
A few days later, you bumped into Brendon and Dallon. "Oh hey, (Name)." Dallon says happily. You smiled at him. "Hey Dal. Bren." You say as you looked at the man, who was avoiding your gaze. "We should go to the studio." Brendon says walking past you. Dallon looked from the retreating Brendon to you. "Okay, something happened that night, and you're going to tell me, right now." You stared at him and looked away ashamed.
I keep dragging around what's bringing me down.
If I just let go I'd be set free.
I'm holding on, why is everything so heavy?
"You what!?" Dallon exclaimed as you two sat in a cafe. "Shh." You say, making sure no one heard. "(Name), I can't believe you! You of all people..." You cut him off. "I know, Dal. I fricking know! What's worse is... I can't let it go. I can't let that night just disappear." You tell him. "Why not?" He asked firmly. "Because I'm in love with him." Dallon' eyes widened. "No... (Name)... you didn't..." he says quietly.
You say that I'm paranoid
But I'm pretty sure the world is out to get me.
It's not like I make the choice to let me mind stay so fucking messy.
Later that day, you were playing on the piano at your house. "I know I'm not the center of the universe. But you keep spinning around just he same. I know I'm not he center of the universe, but you keep spinning around me just the same." You sang until you were interrupted by a knock on the door. You looked at the clock. It read: 1:45 am. You sighed. It was probably just some neighbor who needs a phone or something. You opened the door. Brendon stood there with his hoodie over his head. You furrowed your eyebrows. "What are you doing here?" You asked him. He looked into your eyes. He pushed you inside, kissing you roughly. You were shocked by this sudden action, but you kissed him back. You knew it was forbidden. You knew you'd regret it. You'd be ashamed of yourself. But right now, the feeling was just so amazing. You didn't care that you'd become the person you always hated.
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-TT
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