Hyacinth (An Overwatch Fanfiction)

Chapter 19 - Angsty Angst

A Few Months Later

I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I cornered Zinnia after the afternoon training. "I know what Genji talked to you about," I accused.

"What?" Her eyes were wide and innocent beside the wavy brown locks.

“Genji told you that he liked me! I heard you guys!" I cried out.

"How-no! He didn't talk to me about anything!" She folded her arms and glared, as stubborn as a mule.

"Yes he did! I was walking down the corridor when I heard you two talking. He told you that he liked me. Did you think I was still in the medical room?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

Zinnia sighed. “He did tell me that, okay? What are you going to do?”

"What did he say?" I asked unrelentlessly.

"He just said that he liked you and he wasn't sure if you liked him back!" She said, "Do you like him?" She crossed her arms in a defensive stance.

"No! I don't! Well, not really," I retorted.

"Once you tell him, or when he hears, he’s going to be heartbroken, you know," Zinnia said matter-of-factly.

"Well I'm not going to tell him, am I?" I glared.

"You'll have to sometime. You can't keep leading him on like this."

"Leading him on?" My tone was disbelieving, "I have done everything but lead him on!"

"Yes you have. For the past few days, weeks, your demeanor towards him has changed. You’re nicer to him, you seem to touch him more often, whether as a hug or just a tap on the shoulder," Zinnia replied, her gaze hardening. "You're going to have to tell him."

"No I don't!" I snapped.

"Like I said before, don't lead him on." Zinnia walked away, leaving me in the corridor, pondering my thoughts.

______________

"Genji...could I speak to you for a moment?" I asked quietly during dinnertime, my heart thumping.

"Yeah sure!" I couldn't ignore the note of hope in his voice, and I thought back to what Zinnia had said.

We walked out of the base, heading towards a balcony. I bit my lip, unsure of how to start this. We stood on balcony, the nearby bright white lamp casting a glow on our faces, the stars glimmering in the pure black sky. I was silent, looking in awe at the beauty of the glittering dots above us.

"You wanted to talk to me about something?" Genji asked, shaking me out of my trance.

"Oh! Yes, um..." I bit my lips again. I suddenly just decided to get straight to the point. "I know you like me," I blurted out.

He stiffened in surprise and I decided to get it done and over with. "The thing is..."

"What?" I could almost see the hope flowing from him.

"I don't like you," The moment those words fell out of my mouth, I wanted to reel them back in.

His eyes that once looked at me with eagerness and joy and so much hope... were now dull and full of heartbreak. The only shine in them was the teardrops threatening to fall. "I-I thought it would be like this," He said softly after a moment of silence.

"I'm sorry but I can't help....." I felt pity well up in my stomach.

I placed my hand on his arm gently, hoping that it would provide some comfort, but Genji brushed it off, his shoulders shaking as he did so. "Never mind... It's not like I thought there might have been a chance with us." He joked sadly, his eyes saying otherwise.

I looked away as he turned and trudged off.

Genji's POV
As I walked away from her, my first instinct was to turn back and rush to her, because I didn’t think I could leave with this tension hanging between us. But she had said it clearly. She doesn’t feel the same way that I do for her. My hands clenched as the emotions rushed through me. Heartbreak, sorrow, longing, anger, defeat. They clung to me like a blanket, whispering in my ear, feeding me doubts and negativity. I could almost feel the shadows covering me, crushing me while I’m at my weakest point. As I tried to stay unnoticed by the crowd, Zinnia spotted me and made to break away, but one look at my face immediately made her give me a sympathetic look, and left me alone. That was that I needed. To be alone. To be alone and wallow in self-pity, to be alone and think, where did I go wrong? To be alone and think of all the times I spent with her, and cherish them, because I have a feeling that it will never be the same after my confession.
I opened the door to my room and quietly shut it, hearing a click. I dragged my feet to my bed and collapsed onto it, curling into a fetus-like shape, shaking as sobs racked my body, my heart crumbling piece by piece. Being with her was like a dance, a tango, everything she does is a surprise. It was a whirlwind of steps, cautious yet free, and that made my heart explode with affection for her. It was like playing with fire, she could either burn you or send sparks of warmth through you. Every time I was near her, my heart would start pounding, as if it was trying to burst out from the living cage, and give itself to Sage. But now I just felt empty. A hollow space in my chest. A flightless bird, cawing relentlessly from within me, wanting to be freed. It hurt so much. The pain was almost unbearable, I just wanted to tear my heart out. This wasn’t how I imagined it happening. I thought all those little glances, those brief touches, the smiles that lit up my whole world that were directing to me, I thought that meant she liked me as well. My affection and adoration for her just built and built with this supposed fact. But of course, as always, I was mislead, and I misunderstood.

I just wanted to die.

So.
So.
Much.

Before the confrontation, I desperately wanted to know of her feelings, whether they matched mine or not, but now...I think I would have been better off not knowing her feelings, or better yet, who she was at all.

Alright, most of the credit in this chapter goes to Human_CheshireCat because of the amazing edits she's done and also the angst she's written :)