Forever and Always - BoyxBoy -Complete-

51

Daniel

Monday came, everything will be back to normal, well sort of. I'm just going to school, act as if I still have amnesia, tell everyone that I don't remember such things if ever they will raise stuff I've done before, ignore stupid conversations, make love with Kean, don't mind what Jake says today, act friendly to my best friend Zoey, be a jerk to Jeff, smile at Paul, who apparently is trying to be close to me again. I hate it when I have to remember what I have to do every single week, every single day. I'm obviously lying to my family and my friends and yet, they're still not so suspicious about it. At least I can keep it as long as I wanted to and maybe we will get used to it. They might actually think that it's a permanent lose of memories, which I'd be glad to know that they believed in me.

My conscience is not bugging me at all. I have to live with it so it has to be dealt with such secrecy. I stepped into the shower after I undressed myself, let warm water out and hit my bare skin as it goes down from my head to toe. For some reason, I can imagine Jake's warm arms wrapped around my body. I must be pretty sick of it already, or maybe I might be over-thinking a few things only. "Yeah, I guess you're driving yourself to insanity, Daniel." I chuckled to myself.

I sat down and let the water hit me like ice bullets hitting my skin. I never could stand having myself exposed to such coldness but for once, it's not so bad after all. All I need to do now is to try to recompose myself and pretend that nothing happened. Well, there is apparently and it did happen not so long ago. I had sex with Kean, and I liked it.

He wasn't a bit pushy compared to Jake but he cares. And for that, I can do whatever I wanted, when I wanted. "Now you're comparing who gives more, aren't you silly..." I mocked myself at my worthless thoughts. I shouldn't be bringing up things that had happened in the past. It's time to look forward and move on.

"Dan," mom knocked on the door with a rather sad tone, "are you alright? You seem to be talking to yourself." Her soothing voice just wants me to crumble on her shoulders and cry and cry and cry until there's nothing else is left and once I'm done and ready, I might be able to tell her. But contemplating about it, it's also quite stupid to tell your mom who doesn't know a thing about it. She's too innocent of what I'm doing and I don't want people to look at her so meanly.

"Y- yeah, just having a cold shower that's all." I yelled back, stuttered at the coldness of the water. "Oh, is that right? Don't get yourself get too cold or you'll be having another attack. By the way, breakfast is ready downstairs" Her voice trailed off. I don't want to go out of here. I just wanna drown myself into my own misery, despair and with my own blood. But at the same time, I don't want mom, Kean or anybody else to be sad or... shizz, is there something else you can think of Daniel or you might just go ahead and fucking kill yourself, or maybe run away?

Running away didn't really cross my mind that often, although it does sound like a plan to me. I could really start a new life somewhere else, without anyone knowing what happened in my past, who my parents are, if I have any siblings, school I went. It really is a good plan. If only I have enough courage to leave my mom here all by herself, I would have done that already but I can't leave her, simply because I'm her only family that's left. She's an only child and her parents had already died ages ago. My dad's relatives live somewhere in Australia, a few in America or England and we had never made contact with them.

After a good twenty-minute shower, I stepped out of the shower and hurried back to my room, putting on some random clothing. I don't care what I look like at school today. I rushed downstairs to the kitchen and saw mom was already eating. I kissed her on her temples and sat across the small table. "Dan before I forget, you need to visit your brother's and dad's graves. I got the flowers and candles readied for you to bring. Say a little prayer for me to them, okay? I need to go now. If you need anything, call me or let Kean know immediately. I love you hunny." She picked up her plate and brought it to the sink and kissed my cheek before she stormed off, leaving me alone in the table. She's always like this, I don't mind that but oh well. Guess I need a job soon to help her out with my fees.

My phone buzzed off loudly from my pocket. I grabbed it and read a message from Kean. "Hey, I'll pick you up soon. I love you! :* "

"Don't bother Kean, I have to go somewhere else anyways. You go ahead, I'll meet you up at school later. I love you too. :* " I replied. I'll have to tell to my brother's and dad's graves that I'm being stupid and I don't want anybody else to know aside from the two of them.

I'm too much of a hypocrite.