The 26th of may
22.36
I'm sitting in front of my computer, hoping my parents won't go upstairs to see my writing in a tanktop and underwear. I have my period. Which is great. Not. It is like every time my feelings get too much. I'm thinking more if I don't have school. When I have school or had school that day, I push my feelings away and just stop thinking about that day. About what people said to me, how people looked at me, why people looked at me or didn't look at me, why people respond to me, what I did wrong, all those things that messes with my mind.
22.45
My parents came upstairs, so I had to switch devices. Is it bad to sit all day in your room, when it is beautiful weather? I just had to work. For school. And during that I played games and read stupid articles at Snapchat. Why? Laziness, I think. Just laziness.
Would I ever fall in love? A question I don't want to ask myself because I will always know the answer. People say 'everyone falls in love, eventually'. But I am scared that I will never like someone or that no one likes me like that. If I think that, in my mind, I will always respond that I have to get to know someone really good and than it would finally happen. Would it be true?
Lots of friends of me never had a boyfriend, only Daantje and Judi had/have. Well maybe some others too. But some of closets had never, Dorine told she had lots of guys just wandering around her when she was in Asia (she is blond). I don't know why, but I am jealous at her. OK, well in Italy, lots of teenagers watched me too, but with me no one asked me to make a picture with them... Of course, it probably has to do with culture, type of people, tourist and all that shit. And maybe, these people were crazy stalkers.
I am always trying to comfy myself. That it is all gonna be alright. Like my mother is talking to my in my brains. Sigh, I am going to read a book. I read the crazy book right now. It is about two boys who fall for each other. I have never read a romantic story about that.
The 27th of May
23.16
If you show or someone shows interest in me or ask(s) questions about me. I will spill every dirty secret about me or other people (not if it is really, really personal. Of course, you have or someone has to ask me about it. I am an open person, but I gave to be fully comfortable or just alone with someone, not with more people.
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This chapter is not checked for grammar mistakes! So, if you find some just tell me.
YOU ARE READING
a Big Mess of Weird Stuff
Non-FictionMy name is Layla. This book is about my life and the writing is just a big old mess (hence the title). I am from the Netherlands, so it could be that there are some grammar mistakes in here, especially in the beginning 'cause I was fourteen when I w...
