a Big Mess of Weird Stuff

August 2019

The 14th of August

15.58

Back to the mainland! I am on the boat to Calais😛

I am quite excited to be back. I have two parties planned on Friday and Saturday. And I am probably going out tomorrow because we are sooner back than expected.

School starts in a few days and my classmates are already blabbering in our class app group and I am not that mad as last year about it. (Most of the time, I think people are too soon too busy with school again.) Although I am frightened because I don't want to go to school (it is going to be my freakin last year), but hey, I miss my friends, I do.

You know, two of my friends are in a relationship right now and I don't feel lonely af, because I am happy for them. I am proud of myself, proud that I sort of want to come out (I don't know if it's coming out, I think I am going to do a statement once to my parents and some of my friends and all other people should deal with it). I have been thinking a lot two nights ago and I came to the conclusion that I am bisexual. I feel frightened to say it out loud because I am still not entirely sure that's it. I only know that I like boys and girls in the same way and maybe that doesn't mean that I will fall in love with both genders (or others for that matter) (maybe I am pan, idk). But I am just attracted to people that I find attractive, pretty, hot or handsome regardless of gender. Maybe I just shouldn't label it, because that is just making me afraid that I could get it wrong and saying things that aren't right for me, you know.

So yes, that is the revelation I came to this holiday. I am scared to label my sexuality because I am still not sure, I only know that I am attracted to people that I find attractive myself regardless of their gender and yes I am repeating myself, but I think that statement is the most striking to me right now and I feel that describes how I feel about it for me.

Hahaha, I don't think I have to make a statement to my friends and my parents. Those who are close to me already know this even though I have never clearly said it like this. I am happy to be in such a safe environment.

The 25th of August

22.29

Pfff I got confusing feelings again. One week ago, I had two parties. First one was nice, but I was tired as hell because I went out the other night. The second one was confusing.

---

Helloooo guys!

This was my coming out chapter and it sounds so freakin' cheesy, but it's the truth and I am happy. I am not going to explain the parties, because I don't even know what I wanted to tell you. And I also think it wasn't even interesting. Sooooo, maybe if something exactly happens, then I will tell you something, but right now I am just being relaxed (after a day with period cramps, I am so happy with my life).