a Big Mess of Weird Stuff

February 2018

The 21st of February (Wednesday (one week after Valentine's Day, no, I didn't get anything.)

19.02

There are a few things I need to tell you right now.

1. Someone at my school (that guy who I thought liked me) has a relationship with someone who was really unexpected. And all my friends misunderstand me, except for the people who know that someone who was really unexpected. So funny.

2. That guy from Italy is ignoring me. I met him when I was in Italy last week, but after that he doesn't say anything anymore at Instagram or WhatsApp. Stella hates him right now.

3. Yesterday, I sort of got a love confession. And right now, I know damn right that is true. It is from Jared. The guy who my mom loves and the guy I watched Star Wars with (you know the movie marathon). I have no freaking idea how I should respond. HE JUST TOLD ME. WAAHH. Okay, well if I am totally honest: I had really weird fantasies about him, no not sex fantasies, oh wait.. Uhm... DAMN IT. WAAAAAHHHH. I am so scared and nervous and excited and... But, he still has a girlfriend. Still. Yes, what did I get myself into? He says he is really unhappy (before the love confession) and wants to break up, but he didn't do it yet. So well.. should I just wait before he breaks up, because then I really know if he likes me? Wait a second, wait for what? O god, silly little mind, just stop making me crazy.. *shaking her head and saying that she has to learn for economics, now*

22.38
Well, I said to him that if he breaks up with his girlfriend, I will go on a date with him.

The 26th of February (Monday)

22.02

Sigh. I am so confused. Here comes a quick update on the whole Jared thing:

He broke up with his girlfriend (he had a relationship for two years) and the day after he didn't go to school, because he probably couldn't concentrate. I have talked to him on app and Snapchat and he hasn't asked me on a date yet. I want to take matters into my hands, but I am scared he is not ready yet. I am not even sure if I like him that much. All the time I am thinking if he still likes me, that it isn't over in just a split second, because I have the feeling that I am acting really weird. I am just so damn confused. I am seeing all these different kind of scenarios and my mom is pushing me to ask him which is really annoying, because she is all psyched up about all this. I also feel guilty, because I sort of pushed him to break up (he said he was unhappy! (for a long time already)). I am also scared to talk to him in real life. It's just that whole mess with Michel (my first 'relationship' when I was ten) again. I don't know what the hell I am doing. Can't I just ignore him for a whole week? No. The weirdest thing, I don't want too, I want to keep talking to him, but I don't know why. 

Stella thinks that we don't fit together, but Soraya does, because I didn't reject him immediately, and for some reason is Jade helping me to impress him (?).

I think I will just ask Daantje what she thinks. She is the only friend who knows something about relationships at my age. 

The 28th of February (Wednesday)

22.12

I asked Daantje for advice, she told me that I should do it, just do it. So I did, I asked Jared when we could meet up and now we are going to Black Panther this Sunday. Yesterday I was excited, now a little bit less.

Today we had to work together with CKV (something about culture and arts), it worked out really well, but I kind of have the feeling that he is really serious and strict (the reason probably is that he was nervous 'cause he moved his leg all the time). It made me feel like I was the bad girl and he the nerd boy which right now feels pretty damn cool, but earlier this day it didn't feel like that.

Oh yeah, he is really excited about our movie date. He constantly messages me that he really likes it and that it is going to be fun.