a Big Mess of Weird Stuff

October 2019

The 9th of October (a Wednesday)

22.41

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

(this is what is going on in my head right now)

I can't get that stupid grin of my freakin' face. Oh god, I feel like I am having the exact symptoms of something unfamiliar (for me) - you all know what I am talking about - and I am loving it.

I am not going to get in detail right now, but today, it was a nice day. Yep.

The 10th of October (a Thursday)

11.13

I am scared.

The 29th of October (a Tuesday)

19.01

Damn, I am good at writing, vague writing. You guys or gals probably don't know what I am talking about and I am happy about that. I don't want to deliberate on the subject because it just confuses me and worries me.

What did I write about it last month?

Oh yeah. I remember.

Well, dreams don't make sense. That stupid dream will probably not happen, because I have to keep asking him if we could meet up and I am sort of sick of it. I am always that person. With my only ever dating experience with Jared, I was also the one to keep asking "do you want to hang out?". To be honest, it is not totally fair in this case. He did ask me if I would want to meet his friends because they want to meet me, but then he didn't even ask "when?" after I said "sure". So, what can I do with that?

To go back to dreams, I had a really weird dream about someone (not the someone above). I am not entirely sure what we did, but every time I see him, I am like "ehhhh" because I keep getting these weird flashbacks and it is even weirder because I see him almost every day (because he is my classmate). The weird dream had something to do with a heavy make-out session and maybe something more but I am not sure. I am cringing hard because I don't think he is attractive and I certainly do not think of him that way. But now, every time I see his face, I am thinking about that. No. Not good. Please, don't do this to me stupid brain.

—————-

Hellooo guys!

So this was the great spooktober of 2019 for me. (Sarcasm)

I know I am not really clear on what went down the first two days of this chapter. I am sorry for that but I am just scared because I am sort of scared of commitment. I don't know why, but after I had this really lovely date on the 9th of October I was so happy, but then the next day I was so so scared of having a relationship or anything that will take our dates further. We haven't even kissed yet!

Oh btw, three days after the 29th, he app'ed me to ask if I would come to hang out with (and to meet) his best friend the next day. Now I think, that it is not totally fair of me that I said the whole stuff about him (not the classmate) on the 29th. That day, our talking on social media did not went that well so I was probably a tiny bit grumpy about that.

Ciao!