The 2nd of September 2018
17.00
I don't know what it is, but I feel so freakin sad and everything. More than two days straight I have to cry.
I read my diary today (the one that is not on Wattpad, but my actual - book - diary) and I found out that this happens to me often. 'This' is feeling depressed or chaotic or just tears or stressed. Most of the time it happens when school starts again and things change and it goes quick and I have to adapt fast.
I have a job.
I have a new basketball team where it is sometimes nice, but there are also two bitches in it.
Our school is in a new building.
Now, two of my best friends have a boyfriend. And sometimes I am still wondering if I am bisexual or lesbian or straight or asexual. I don't know.
My self confidence is at a real low point.
Before the summer holiday and during, I was really self-confident. I didn't stress much and I had everything clear.
After the roadtrip in America, everything was good. Well, yes, I had to figure out my feelings for Jared, but that was actually my biggest issue.
- damn this is gonna sound so dramatic -
Now, I feel like crap. I am hanging between the summer holiday- i-don't-give-a-damn -Layla and the school routine- working-hard -Layla.
Maybe I am not good with change.
I felt the same when I went to High School and I had to step out of my comfort zone. When Dorine left for the first time and I only thought I had Merel who was also not in her happy place during that time (her parents got divorced) and I couldn't handle Merel's new friends.
The 15th of September (a Saturday)
1.24
I felt alone at this party and sometimes invisible. Which sucks big deal. I guess it is because of some people they are used to me as a shy girl or these people are jackasses which could also be the case. It was a weird party. Weird
Damn
Really wtf
A lot of shit happened
Like a lot
People were lost
I saw some disgusting tongue work
I felt fucking tired
Bromance
Drunk people
Person who said he wanted to jump in front of a car
More people lost
People gossiping
Tobias K (rn he is The Dick) blegh blegh blegh he always makes me insecure fucking dick go away damn. It is pretty sad actually, all of his friends don't want him
Yeah
Two no three guys jumping around half naked on apres ski songs which I don't know shit of
Hahahaha I fucking sound like a sailor
Hahahahaha what the hell
I only drank like a tiny bit (I am serious)
I feel so fucking nervous I don't want to have a match tomorrow just go away man go away meh
THUS THIS IS WHAT I SOUND LIKE ON HALF PAST ONE IN THE MORNING not good
MY FIRST DAY OF THIS CHAPTER/MONTH IS SO FUCKING DEPRESSING sad life
Now I am like idgaf
Fucking shit I was way too conscious of myself sometimes you don't give a damn and sometimes you are like what the duck am I doin? Like am I cool like this??? JUST GO AWAY STUPID THOUGHTS I am going to read a Wattpad book byeeeeeesdde
The 16th of September
16.02
'You can see how a person is by the way she treats animals,' Maria Varcratsis in Mammia Mia! Here We Go Again.
I think that is true.
YOU ARE READING
a Big Mess of Weird Stuff
Non-FictionMy name is Layla. This book is about my life and the writing is just a big old mess (hence the title). I am from the Netherlands, so it could be that there are some grammar mistakes in here, especially in the beginning 'cause I was fourteen when I w...
