a Big Mess of Weird Stuff

March 2019

Friday the Eighth of March

15.32

Sup?

Today was only about procrastination. First, I watched Fast and Furious 6, which is more than 2 hours long and after that, I watched an episode of Friends. Then I had to feed the cats, I went to do my make-up.

I am so slow and I have to work in an hour and a half.

You know, Carnaval was cool. It was chaotic, but, oh so, funny.People are so happy and drunk, just great. I didn't drink that much during Carnaval. I had a great time dancing with friends and just laughing.

The first day was the nicest for me. I don't know why, but it was the most fun day.

Saturday was my least because we didn't what to do and just went into the tent again.

Sunday, mmm. You know, sometimes I just don't want to see all these people from my high school. There were way too much people I knew in the tent (another tent).

I skipped on Monday.

Tuesday was a great ending, but I feel so forced.

I have come to a conclusion. 

Mike is annoying me now with everything that he says or does which includes me. He is not doing something that is so wrong, but I feel irritated like every time. I had the same thing with Jared at the end.

The 16th of March

10.57
I let Mike down easy. I told him that he's a nice guy, but I don't feel like going on a second date. He asked me on a second date in a really cheesy way. He said: 'I had a dream last night about you and we went on a second date. Do you want to make my dream come true?'
My reaction: .....

Thursday night, The 28th of March

02.00Storytime:I got kissed this night, like full on tongue, teeth, but only from him. I had no freaking idea what I was doing and I told him it was my first kiss, and he was like 'I am happy to be your first one'.Lemme explain how this happened: I was dancing like full on and having fun and there was one guy in a group next to us who kept watching me. I thought he was cute and smiled and sort of danced with him.

Sometime later, we were making eye contact and he waved me over, I went.We started dancing together and I have to say we were vibing, woah. He kept looking me in the eye and we never spoke, because it was a silent disco and everyone had headphones on their head. Out of nowhere he pushes me to the wall and starts to put his tongue in my mouth, but I had them closed and my eyes wide open. It definitely did not feel like a kiss. I wanted to, but I had no idea what I was doing and what I had to do. Of course, he should have just put only his lips on mine and then slowly put some tongue in there. I was confused and then he tried again, but it didn't help. So I sort of ran away. Well, I told him: 'I am going to my friends.' Alright.I avoided him the rest of the night because I am still not sure if I liked it, if he stepped over my boundaries, because he wanted to touch my boob, but I kept him away. I just don't know. Daantje told me he kept watching me after I left, but never approached me. He later danced with two other girls.

I just don't know what to think.

You know, I had a talk with one of the boys who joined the party group after that whole event. Btw, my friends could still see me doing all that stuff. And he told me that he wanted to step in after I shook my head, but I didn't even notice that I did that. I really appreciated that he said that and that he was really there for my safety and if I did not want to do it, I really should make the signs clear and if the guy in particular just keeps on going, I should definitely hit and/or just scream.

Fun thing, I had the song 'Kissing Strangers' at the beginning of the night in my head. And I did. I kissed a stranger and he will always be a stranger, probably and hopefully.

----A week and one day later, I still don't know what to think, but I am sure that this was a memorable night and that I don't regret anything. It still gets hot in my brain when I think about the moment.This month was a party month and I loved it. Next month, April, is going to be even more awesome, because I am going to make a road trip (again!) through the USA. This time we are going from Atlanta, through seven states, to New Orleans.