Vampire on Baker street ( A Sherlock fan-fiction)

Ch.61: It is what it is

Chapter 61:

3rd person POV:

"I had, of course, several other backup plans. Trouble is, I couldn't remember what they were," Sherlock says to John.

They are currently in 221b having tea in their usual chairs. It has been a day since Sherlock was released from the hospital. He is already looking a lot healthier. 

The flat has been cleaned and now looks the same as it always has.

"And, of course, I hadn't really anticipated that I'd hallucinated meeting his daughter," Sherlock says and looks down at his cup. "Still a bit troubled by the daughter. Did seem very real, and she gave me information I couldn't have acquired elsewhere."

John stares at him,"So you dreamed up a magic woman who told you things you didn't know."

Sherlock raises his eyes to him,"Perhaps the deadman blood opened certain doors in my mind." He looks away again, thinking about it. "I'm intrigued." He takes drink from his cup.

"Oh, I know you are," John mutters. He glances out the window. "Which is why we're all taking it in turns to keep you off the sweeties."

Sherlock smiles slightly,"I thought we were just hanging out."

John looks at his watch, then looks up again. "Sara will be here in about twenty minutes."

"Oh, I think I can last twenty minutes without supervision."

John looks down in thought,"Well, if you're sure." He lifts his cup to drink from it. Sherlock turns his head, looking a little hurt.

John puts his cup down. "Uh, sorry, it's just, um, you know, Rosie. You'll be okay for twenty minutes?"

"Yes. Sorry, I-I wasn't thinking of Rosie."

John stands,"No problem."

"I should, uh, come and see her soon," Sherlock looks up hopefully at John.

"Yes," John responds flatly. He makes a move for the door but then pauses.

"...Are you okay?" Sherlock asks.

John laughs sarcastically,"No, I'm not okay. I'm never gonna be okay." He turns to Sherlock. "...But we'll just have to accept that. It is what it is; and what it is, is... shit."

Sherlock lowers his eyes and nods understandingly.

John pulls in a breath through his nose and lowers his own head. "...Y-you didn't kill Mary."

Sherlock's eyes snap up to look at him.

"Mary died saving your life. It was her choice. No-one made her do it. No-one could ever make her do anything. ...She didn't want to be turned, and it was unfair to blame you. ...But the point is: you did not kill her." He gives a brief, tight smile,"It is what it is." John takes another deep breath,"Uh, I'll see you tomorrow then."

Sherlock raises his cup to him in a toast and smiles,"Looking forward to it."

John nods,"Yeah." He turns to leave but pauses once more. Something has been nagging at his mind for some time now.

"Problem?" Sherlock asks.

John squeezes his eyes shut and clenches his hands into fists. "You bloody moron!" he suddenly explodes in rage.

Sherlock stares up at him in shock.

"She's out there," John points towards the stairs,"She loves you, and she's alive," he shouts. Glaring at Sherlock,"Do you have any idea how lucky you are?"

Sherlock looks at a loss for words.

"You are pushing Sara away. You are pushing away the best thing that has ever and will ever happen to you!" John grows at his friend,"She has been there for you and you just keep making it easier for her to walk away. She saved your life! She reunited you with your brother. She has forgiven you countless times already. She..." He stops, unable to find the words.

"What?" Sherlock urges.

"Just talk to her, apologize," John almost pleads,"Beg for her forgiveness."

"Why?"

John sighs, and runs a hand over his face,"Just text her. Phone her. Do something while there's still a chance, because that chance doesn't last forever. Trust me, Sherlock, it's gone before you know it."

Sherlock looks down,"...I will do my best. I fear that one more screw up and she will leave me for good."

"Then don't screw up." John closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. After a moment he speaks,"She was wrong about me."

Sherlock looks up at him,"Who? Mary? How so?"

John looks out the window,"She thought that if you put yourself in harm's way I'd ... I'd rescue you or something. But I didn't – not until she told me to. And that's how this works. That's what you're missing. She taught me to be the man she already thought I was."

Sherlock frowns,"Forgive me, but you are doing yourself a disservice. I have known many people in this world but made few friends, and I can safely say-"

"I cheated on her."

Sherlock stops. A small gasp is heard from the hall but John doesn't hear it. Sara stands just outside the flat door, covering her mouth in shock. She finished her business with Mycroft early and decided to head back to Baker street, but she had no idea she would come into this.

"No clever comeback?" John questions. "I cheated on Mary. There was a woman on the bus, and I had a plastic daisy in my hair. I'd been playing with Rosie." He clenches his hands into fists,"That's all it took, a smile." He reveals. "We texted constantly. You wanna know when? Every time Mary left the room, that's when. When she was feeding our daughter; when she was stopping her from crying – that's when." John swallows, his eyes starting to fill with guilty tears. "That's all it was, just texting. ...But I wanted more. And do you know something? I still do. I'm not the man you thought I was, I'm not the man she thought I was; I'm not that guy. I never could be. But that's the point." He sniffs, his throat closing up with emotion. "That's the whole point. Who she thought I was... is the man who I want to be." He swallows, fighting off his tears.

The door creaks open and Sara steps into the room with angry tears in her eyes. "How could you?" She growls.

John looks at her then closes his eyes and takes in a stuttering breath,"I-I was weak."

"Your an asshole! She had your child, and now she is dead!" Sara barks.

Sherlock stands and walks to her,"Sara-" he tries to calm her down but she pushes him aside.

She points a finger at John,"You never deserved her-"

"I KNOW!" John shouts. He looks at her with tears running down his face. "I know," he says again in a broken voice,"...And I will never be able to tell her... how sorry I am."

Sara goes to rip into him more but pauses. She takes in the site of the broken down man and decides to hold her tongue. He knows what he did, and he hates himself for it.

John lowers his head into his hands and sobs. Slowly Sherlock walks across to him.

"It's okay," Sherlock murmurs. He tentatively puts his arms around his friend and holds him.

"It's not okay," John sobs into his shoulder.

"No," Sherlock says softly and lowers his cheek onto the top of John's head. "But it is what it is." Blinking against his own tears, he continues to hold his sobbing best friend.

Sara watches them with tearful eyes. She takes a step toward them, hesitates, then turns and leaves the flat.

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Two chapters in one day!

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