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Sixth Ambivalence

MACEY's POV

Nababaliw na ako ngayong oras na ito.

It's 12 midnight at hindi pa rin talaga ako makatulog. I should be having a good dream right now, but no!

Eros is bothering my system.

I can't help it! Too many signs, too many memories. In the past three years, hindi naman na niya ako ginugulo but, in just one flashback everything is back again!

Si Kuya Em ang hinahangaan ko pero paghanga lang.

Tristan? He is just a friend, thoughparang pinapaasa ko siya ayoko namang lumayo, ayokong sirain yung friendship namin. Para sa kaalaman ng lahat, he knows na wala talaga pero he pursued. 

Now, kasalanan ko pa bang mahirap turuan itong puso kong sobrang naattach sa taong minsan lang naging parte ng buhay pag ibig ko?

Pero bakit parang may mali, may kakaiba

I remember all the memories we shared.

But, I can't remember what he looks like?!

Hindi ko matandaan! Hindi ko maisip ng maigi!

Naaalala ko siya. Oo.

Pero yung itsura niya ay yung noong mga maliliit pa kami. Noong naglalaro pa lang kami sa kalawakan ng kalupaan sa probinsya.

Sabihin na nating latest na yung picture namin na nakaframe.

Well, kahit naman I have contacts with people who close to him, I didn't bother to ask for a copy of his pictures or anything, basta...

It's just matandaan yung itsura niya noong last time kaming nagkita.

He change a lot by the way.

Nagulat nga ako noong nakita ko siya sa tindahan noon eh.

Kapag aalalahanin ko yung itsura niya.

Puro itsura ng maraming tao ang naiisip ko na sigurado akong hindi ganun yung itsura niya then, back to that image in the frame.

Ganoon na ba katagal ang three years?

Why can't I remember

How he looks?

His smiles?

His wonderful eyes?

His voice?

All I know is we had the best times together.

I've been stressed for the past three years.

Sa gulo, sa pag-aaral, maintaining everything is under control, doing things right just not to make my parents be disappointed at me again.

Buti na lang my friends understood what I've been through.

Lagi silang nandyan.

Noong bago kami maging 2nd year college, nag-aya silang uminom para magkaroon kami ng formal-informal open forum.