Janiel Oneshots (Discontinued...Again)

17. Lie to Me (Sad)

Mentions of drugs and alcohol use. Reader discretion is advised. No hate towards Daniel, this is just a fanfic. No need to get all up in arms.

(Joey's POV)

Not everything in life is sunshine and rainbows. I learned that the hard way. From our first meet, to our last goodbye. I never expected a boy like Daniel Preda to completely crush my heart. Hell, I never expected my heart to get crushed the way it has. I never experienced such pain before. The cold empty feeling in my body whenever I'm alone, the feeling that never seems to go away even when I'm around others. It's been three years but it still feels like yesterday. Hearing the door close, the footsteps pacing around our room as he tells me it was all a lie. He never loved me, I was just a pawn. But I think back to those times when I thought it was real. All the times he told me he loved me. And for days afterwards, I wanted him to tell me he loved me. Even if it was a lie.

I met Daniel through mutual friends. My friend Peter introduced us. It was at a party in New York, I had to leave the next day but he asked me to stick around. So I changed my flights around so he could join me instead. Big mistake. I knew it from the moment I looked at him that he was trouble, but I told myself it was nothing. I heard people telling me the same, but I always defended him. Even when he didn't deserve it. No, he didn't abuse me...physically. I knew there were others. Other men, other women. He liked to say he swung both ways but I was it for him. He promised he was ready to settle down, and I believed him. However, almost every night I'd hear him whisper to be quiet as he passed by the master bedroom and into the guest room. I heard the bed creaking, even the most expensive earplugs couldn't mute it.

Did Daniel really love me? No. I should've known it a long time ago. And perhaps I did. But it didn't make the sting of the heartbreak easier.

My friends tried to help me see past his romantic side and focus on the monster he was. But after a while, they knew they couldn't help me. I was too far gone. All they could do was sit back and watch the show. Watch me crumble before their very eyes. It's depressing, you know. Being shattered, feeling yourself crumble. I can't imagine what it looks like from an outside perspective.

Daniel was my dream but turned into my nightmare. Haunting me to this very day. I hear his voice in my head, his ghost in the corners of my vision.

There were nights when he grew quiet, his focus locked on his phone. Texting his next hookup. And god, I wish those nights he'd just talk to me. Scream at me. Anything. But instead, we sat in silence, my heart crumbling at the idea of him going off with someone else. Someone who was better.

The last I heard of him, he found a new boy. My friend Peter. The same person who set us up. Ironic, you could say. But I have reason to believe this was planned. I fell into their trap.

I was a perfectly done puzzle before Daniel. All pieces put together and fit perfectly. Now I'm fractured. None of the pieces fit where they once did. I became undone, and no one but Daniel could ever put me back together.

I wish I could just forget the way Daniel looked at me. Forget the way he felt. The way he kissed me. I lie awake at night, the image of Daniel laying on Peter's chest painted in my mind. I wonder if he ever thinks of me, and if he does, it's something good. But that's impossible. I was nothing but a conquest to him.

Peter texts me about him, saying how good he is in bed, how tender his kisses are. I know he's doing this on purpose, just to be spiteful. He knows how much it hurts me. It's what he wants. It's what Daniel wants.

Last time I saw Daniel, he didn't spare me a second glance. Just a brief glance over the shoulder. I had stepped towards him, reaching out to touch his shoulder. But he was so far away. So unreachable. He was always unreachable. Always miles away, even when we were side by side. One thing I noticed when he walked past, was a smile. A genuine smile. He was happy, and I was not.

A part of me wishes I could just go back to that party and walk away from the man who has hurt me before he spoke. But I cannot. I can just relive the experience, relive the heartbreak he has caused.

I'm an empty shell of who I once was. Hollow and cold on the inside, pale and deathly on the outside. Nights are the hardest. The bed is as cold as the air coming in from the windows, as empty as a sky with no stars. My body had become so accustomed to the feeling of arms wrapped around me, there are always goosebumps risen on my stomach. Waiting for the familiar sensation. Only it never comes.

3:13 A.M. Hardest time of night. Devil's hour. Daniel had always come home at this time either drunk or with someone on his arm. Sparing me nothing but a smirk and a glint of evil in his eye. He always knew I was awake and watching, always waiting for him. Doing nothing more but laying in our bed silently as the guest bed creaked across the hall.

Maybe it was dumb to have fallen for someone like Daniel, but how could I have known he would become such a monster.

Daniel also dabbled in drugs and had drugged me a few times. Telling me it was okay, and that I needed to let loose. And I'd always let him stick the needle up my arm, because I trusted him. What a fool I was. He became a totally different person when he was drugged. The words he'd say, the things he'd do. No, he never hit me. But his words felt as if they were slicing through my bones. People feel different things when they're high. Some are giggly, some are depressing, others are angry and hurtful. Daniel was all three...well...two and a half. He wasn't the Daniel I met all those months ago, then again, that person is long gone. Maybe it was the drugs that turned him into the person he became, or it was the alcohol. Or the people. Or me. But I never found the answer.

For I had given up on life before I could.