Janiel Oneshots (Discontinued...Again)

26. End it All (Sad)

HUGE TRIGGER WARNING! This chapter involves the act of suicide. Do not read if you get easily triggered by suicidal acts.

I love you all,
Please stay strong. You're all beautiful and worthy of everything!
——————————————————————————————

To whoever finds this,

I'm not going to apologize for going through with this. Only because I have no one to apologize to. I don't even know why I'm writing this. I feel like I the only person who would read this is Daniel, but why would he? How would he know this exists? He stopped caring about me a long time ago. And it seemed like everyone followed suit. I don't blame him or anyone for not liking me, I don't even like me.

The cuts on my wrists started after Daniel left. They grew in size and quantity when he took my only source of happiness without him, my dogs. When my YouTube videos started losing views and likes, I realized there was no point in uploading anymore. My friends started to distance themselves from me, their excuses piling up. I knew this would happen sooner or later, but I didn't expect to lose everyone and everything at once. 

This house has become unrecognizable to me. It doesn't seem like my place. It seems wrong to be sleeping in the same bed I used to share with the person I thought I was going to spend my life with. The silence is deafening. My mind doesn't even bother to make up random noises, leaving me in this silent torture. 

I know that to some, it sounds ridiculous to end it all after a few small problems. I could always make new friends, find a new boyfriend, start a new career. But none of those feels right. I can't just replace the friends I had for so long, most of them have been with me through so much. And Daniel, even though he has hurt me immensely at the end, I could never find someone who I could love more than I loved him. 

Ending it all does seem like a bit of an exaggeration. But those who say those things have never felt such soul-splitting, universe-shattering, emotional rollercoaster that is deep depression and heartbreak. They didn't lose the love of their life, their best friends, and dream career all at once. 

I can't think of a different way out. I just want to end my pain. I want to be done with the numbing pain in my entire body.

I guess this is the end.

I will finally be free.

Daniel Preda stares down at the suicide note written by his ex-boyfriend. In front of him is the body, laying peacefully on the bedsheets, an empty bottle of sleeping pills held in his limp hand. 

Tears slip from his eyes, the reality of the situation hitting him like a truck. He's really gone. Daniel never expected that this day would ever come. All of his worst nightmares have become a reality. He regrets breaking up with Joey every single day. 

Should he have reached out to Joey? Yes.

Should he have talked to him instead of leaving? Absolutely.

There are many things Daniel should have done with his situation with Joey. And he will beat himself up over everything for the rest of his life...which may not last much longer. 

The phone call with Joey's family was the second hardest thing he has done. No one verbally blamed him, but Daniel knew they were thinking it. Daniel blamed himself too. 

Daniel knew he could not live much longer. The guilt was eating him alive, his depression was getting worse and worse. As he sits in the church after Joey's funeral. Daniel doesn't bother wiping his tears. "Daniel, come on. Everyone's waiting." Hope takes Daniel's arm. leading him out of the church.

The time has come. Daniel looks up at the ceiling above his bed and smiles. "I'm coming, Joey."