Janiel Oneshots (Discontinued...Again)

107. 11:11 (Sad to Fluff)

BEFORE YOU READ! 

This chapter contains mentions of suicide and depression. Please read at your own risk.

I promise it's not all dark.

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(Joey's POV)

Every night is the same. I sit in my room, staring blankly at the wall listening to my sad playlists on Spotify. My depression taking over me. I don't understand. Just a second ago, I was fine. I was more than fine. I was singing along to the Hamilton soundtrack, probably annoying my sister in the room beside mine. But now here I am. 

I know I'm not in that dark of a state to actually go through with the act of killing myself, but that doesn't stop me from writing out a suicide note. Writing the note as if I were going to after I finish writing it. The note I have beside me is the only note I've written. It's addressed to my best friend Daniel. I've always loved him as more than a friend. For as long as I can remember, he's been my rock. Through my highest highs and darkest lows. From my harsh outbursts from my episodes when the smallest thing pisses me off, to my cries for him to make it all stop hurting. 

Staring at the notebook in my hand, tears welling up in my eyes. I cannot believe I have come to this point. I mean, why am I writing Daniel a letter anyway? His time has been split up between me and his new boyfriend Mason now. He'd care more if Mason was in this situation. Hell, he'd be running straight from his house to his, busting down doors just to help him. He'd talk him off the edge. But since it's me, he'd probably tell me to get over it and laugh it off. He has become a completely different person since meeting Mason. But isn't everyone? 

My head is starting to become less fuzzy, the dark thoughts subsiding. I stare down at the letter I had just written, all the emotions I had poured into this message. I tear the page out, about to rip the paper to shreds when my phone dings.

'Hey Joey, I know we haven't spent much time together. But it's 11:11 and I know you're very superstitious when it comes to that time of night. I'll tell you my wish if you tell me yours.'

I can't believe Daniel texted me. He even remembered my 11:11 superstition. No, Joey. Don't think so deeply into this. He has a boyfriend, remember? He's only texting you out of pity. 

'If you knew I was superstitious about 11:11, you'd know I never tell you my wish. That doesn't mean you don't get to tell me yours. Haven't spoken to you in a while, Mason must be keeping you busy.'

Should I tell Daniel about what is going on in my head? I don't know, I'd hate to take his attention off of his boyfriend. 

'To be honest, Joey. My wish is for us to hang out more. I miss my best friend. What are you doing after school tomorrow? Mason is going to dinner with his family so I am all freed up!'

Ooh, yay. How lucky am I that my best friend of 9 years is free for one night because his boyfriend is busy? I have not spent a single day with Daniel for 8 months because of his goddamn boyfriend. The one person who has helped me with my darkness helps me over Facetime and through text. Never face to face. It's like he's barely there for me, anymore. 

After I got over my dark time, I thought over what Daniel asked. My 11:11 wish. If I told him the truth, I would've told him that I wish he was my boyfriend. I wish I was his, and him mine. It may sound crazy, but now that my head is cleared from my demons for a short while, all my feelings for him resurfaced. My jealousy for Mason resurfaced. I understand why Daniel would date him over me, he's a model. A fucking model. How could I ever compete with that?