letters to you。「yoonmin」{COMPLETED} (#wattys2018)

oo9。

day nine:

this has possibly
been one of the
worst days ever since
you've been gone.

i was in class, trying
to pay attention, i
really was, but then i
thought of something.

the call.
the day my life
was changed forever
and ruined. the day
i shattered on my
fucking bedroom
floor, yelling,
"please god, don't
let this be real."

but it was. it was so
completely real. my
voice went hoarse that
day, i couldn't speak for
a few more afterwards.

but the phone call
keeps replaying in my
mind. the things i did
that day, still very vivid
in my imagination.

i could paint a
picture of it, i will
never forget it.

your grandma called
my mother and my mother
told me, her voice cracked.

she knew id be distraught,
but distraught was only
an adjective, a word not
even remotely close to describibg
how i felt.

distraught was an understatement.

she sat on the edge of
my bed, a box of tissues in
her hands, i was begging
her to tell me already,

so i could hurry and call
you, because i missed your
voice and we called
every night, but she had told
me that was the last call
we'd ever share.

she told me.

your grandmother
found you,
"unconcious" on the
cold bathroom floor,
with a bottle of empty
pills, still loosely gripped
in your bony hands.

she checked your
pulse, you were no
longer breathing,
she immediately
rushed you to the nearest
hospital.

where you were announced
dead on arrival.

love, i just don't get it.
we were texting all
night that night, you
showed no signs, during
that time anyways.

the last message you
ever sent was, "brb, babe,
ill be right back."

why'd you lie?
i fucking miss you.

。。。

this is one of the saddest chapters so far