letters to you。「yoonmin」{COMPLETED} (#wattys2018)

oo76。

day seventy six:

I gathered and collected most of the letters i didn't leave at 'Yoongi's dad's' doorstep and put them in a worn down, beaten box.

From day 1 to now, my final letter written to Yoongi. My last goodbye.

It was after normal hours at the hospital, the lights were shut off everywhere except for the dim glow in a few patients rooms. All of them in a silenced pain, but peacefully sleeping, their soft snores calming my nerves.

Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. I tightly held the dusty box pressed up against my body, I found my old room from when I was here. I got released after the talk I shared with Yoongi, he never did say anything, but rather let me leave instead.

Maybe it was his way of confirming that we were better off not knowing each other, just being a random thought playing in each other's heads, you know, like it used to be. 

I gently kicked open the door, as my hands were full of ancient letters, confessing my love and sorrow.

I sighed and muttered to myself. What a disaster, what a mess this was.

I noticed a pen and a pad, probably left from one of the nurses who used to check on me. They used these writing utensils to jot down their recordings of me.

I decided one last note to Yoongi would suffice. Carefully I placed the box on top of the white sheets, being extra considerate not to mess anything up.

I grabbed the pen and the notebook paper and let my heart take control of my hand.

-

we couldn't fix
each other.
we only tore
each other apart.

we are two
natural disasters,
a hurricane and a
tornado, not failing
to cause mass
destruction.

here's the thing,
my dear beloved,
i cannot handle
all the suffering.
it's too much to
have on my
shoulders, how
strange is it?

knowing
you were real,
i don't know how
it's even possible,
therefore, i can't
go on like this.

forget about me.

just like before,
act like i was only
a vivid made up
boy in your mind.

pretend like i am
only a faded memory
to you.

and i will do the same.

im not sure where
ill end up, but this
is the last time you
will hear from me.

i thank you for
everything. i thank
you for telling me
your side of the
story. thank you
for helping me
recover.

thank you, min yoongi.

for the good times,
and the bad times,
even though i never
truly experienced
them with you.

i loved and i lost.

but im afraid ill lose
myself if i do not leave.

goodbye,

min yoongi.

my heart lies
within my own
hallucinogenic
mind, and that's
where it belongs.

so long, and take care.

I set it down, without folding it so he would know it was for him. I took one last look around the grey room and left.

Leaving behind all the pain, sorrow, and agony. I have come a long way, and now I'm better. I hope in the end, all of my trauma will be resolved.

I hope I'll be happy for once.

。。。

one more chapter!
ur thoughts?