letters to you。「yoonmin」{COMPLETED} (#wattys2018)

oo75。

continuation part 2:

"Yoongi... look, I'm not even sure what to say."

His face showed pure sadness, I could tell he was breaking, I understood that because so was I. After all this time, my knight and shining armor was sitting before my eyes, but I felt like I was hitting my breaking point.

How could he come now? Why couldn't he save me earlier? Why didnt he scoop me up and take me away from this god awful place? Why the fuck didn't he come sooner?

He let me break. I'm far beyond repair. I'm completely and utterly shattered. I'm drowning in everything I've ever known. I'm drowning in my cruel reality.

"Jimin, you don't have to say anything.  I'm here now, it'll be better now. This was meant to happen, somehow. One way or another."

But it wasn't going to get better, it was fucking worse. It was worse knowing I suffered tremendously, I knew it technically wasn't his fault, but I've been hurt enough.

"Yoongi."

He cupped my face and my eyes became rushing waterfalls, as he slickly wiped away the streaming tears.

My heart became heavy with agony and affliction. I wanted to love him. I mean, at one point, I did right? Why was it so difficult this time around?

I wanted this to all go away, I begged and fucking yearned for him to be with me. But under these  circumstances, I couldn't. I could not fucking bring myself to do it. To love the man who I never knew.

I hugged my arms against chest and wept. I clutched my fists together, bawling until I could no longer breathe properly. My eyes sunk into my fucking skull.

The scars on my heart now were open wounds. Wounds that could never be sewn shut again, unless I left. Unless he was gone.

I sat straight up, my nose runny with dripping snot. My eyes were stinging from the gallons of tears I poured out. My chest was rising and falling rhythmically. I wished to rip my ribcage out, I felt inclined to rip my heart out and squeeze it in my hand until it broke fully.

I was hurting. And I so desperately craved for the pain to end.

"May I tell you how I feel?" I sobbed and of course, he nodded yes.

"Always, your feelings are safe with me."

This would devastate him, the poor man, but it was truly better off this way.

"You know, at one point I hated you, Min Yoongi. It sounds harsh, rough even, but it's the complete truth. Before I even knew you weren't real, well before this, anyway, I was so frustrated. I thought you had killed yourself. I thought it was selfish of you and I was pissed. Because you left me here in this world. It was fucking shameful, I felt guilty. Your father was a piece of shit. Your grandmother was a sweet, kind old lady and your dog was too cuddly, and now I know that all of that was a part of my vibrant, deranged mind. I can't recover from that, how do you expect me to just be fine with this? Like it's all peachy and dandy, its fucking not. It's too much for me to bear knowing none of those events happened. It's too much to live with, Yoongi. I hope you can understand where I'm coming from. But I can't do this. I'm not strong enough."

Both of us were letting drops of salty grief glide against our skin. Yoongi was trying to disguise his emotions, he failed.

"I think this will be the best for us. This will be our last time seeing each other, do you understand? I'm sorry but it's easier this way."

Yoongi was left speechless. He never managed to find the words to say, and there I left him. 

I left him before he had the chance to say anything. I left him without listening.

I left him.

。。。

TWO MORE CHAPTERS
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