Midnight thoughts

8-Mean? Me?

"You're mean".

"Stop being mean".

"Omg I can't believe that you told him that. You've become so mean".

"You're spitting more posion than a snake does".

"You mean bitch".

"You weren't that mean before".

"You should go back to not talking, you were less mean back then".

And the list goes on. Yeah I know I've become mean. I know that some mean things get out of my mouth. My own friends tells me that I'm being mean; not that it is bothering them that much. And the biggest problem is that I mostly don't even know that I'm being mean. It just became like a reflex for me to talk like so. I have no intention of hurting anyone. Well maybe some people but that's not the point. I became mean. Yeah I know. But did you ever asked yourself why I've become mean? Did you? Well maybe because some people were just mean to me. Some people just kept stepping over the little kindness that I had. Being kind. I thought I was doing the right thing. I know sometimes I can be selfish but I try not to. I try very hard not to. Well at least I tried. I tried being kind, helpful, good to others. But what did I get in return? Stepped all over. That's what I got.

Well fuck that! Fuck being kind. Kindness is for the weak. Kindness isn't a part of our society. They keep telling us to be kind. They keep telling us to help people. And what did I get out of that? Taken advantage of. It is finally time to get over all of that. Yeah I know it took me 18 years to figure this out but I'm glad I finally did.

I need to stop caring and trusting anyone and everyone. Just those who care for me deserve all my attention. But most people don't. So here I am. Being mean to others, unintentionnally.

01022018