Midnight thoughts

11-Not fair

You know what I discovered?
Everyone is fucked up.

Well except those barbie like girls who I used to go to school with, that hang out all the time with their childhood best friends since they were three years old, having boyfriends going to the gym, travelling the world, showing up at night clubs and pubs and having tons of money to spend anywhere and everywhere. Like I don't see why they would be fucked up. They are like, living the perfect life teenagers have. Maybe they are crying their eyes out because their out of make up or their flight has been delayed for like 2 hours. Seriously I don't see why they could be fucked up inside. They weren't like bullied because they were the bullies and their life turned out great. They're at the university of their dreams, maintaining high grades and living their perfect life.

Aside from them, I discovered that everyone has gone through a ton of shit that made them who they are today. Some people may have cried themselves to sleep and some just laughed it off and continued their life like nothing happened. Everyone cope up in their ways and some didn't cope up yet. They're still mourning their past because it is too difficult for them to move on.

I've never been jealous of anyone. I can openly say it because truly I haven't. But right now at this moment. I am jealous of those barbie like girls. I'm jealous of their perfect life, jealous of their lifestyle, jealous because they got what they dreamed of. And I am here still crying myslef to sleep, studying at the states university cause I can't afford the university of my dreams and hating each passing minute I'm living. That's how fucked up I am.

17052018