Midnight thoughts

26- Crying

So far, I've been really good at hiding my breakdowns. No one has ever noticed them. I might be crying for thirty minutes straight, but the moment someone enters the room and speaks to me or sees me, it's like nothing happened. Maybe I got a special talent at maintaining a steady voice even after minutes of constant crying. No one ever noticed when I was crying. Maybe because when you silently cry its easier to get back to normal since you're not getting everything all out. Maybe it's easier because when you cry silently, no one would suspect a thing, since they didn't hear a thing in the first place.

But the thing about silently crying, it's not that releiving. Okay, you're crying because you can't keep everything in anymore. But when you silently cry, you don't have that space to get it all out. You're limited in doing it. You don't get to make a sound. You don't get to breath in and out properly. You don't get to cry your heart out. You're just sitting there, in silence, crying, and suffocating. Suffocating by the pain you feel that you can't get out. But to get it out, you need space. You need privacy. You need somewhere far from everyone, to just sit by yourself. There's the need for privacy to do that, which isn't an available option sometimes. You just have to limit yourself in a tiny room in your house behind a not so soundproof thin door, and try to get the pain you feel off your chest.

25102019